X-MEN 249: THE DANE VEEDNER CURSE

DANE VEEDNER IS A FRIEND OF MINE AND THE NUMBER ONE PENGUIN ATTORNEY OF CALVERT COUNTY, MARYLAND. CALVERT COUNTY IS A SAVAGE PLACE RIFE WITH TERRIBLE REDNECKS AND SUBHUMAN SCUM. HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE SCUM!

THAT'S VIV SAVAGE IN THE CORNER BOX THERE. BETCHA DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

 SHIT SANDWICH.

I'VE BEEN THERE, HAVOK. I'VE BEEN THERE MANY TIMES.

IF YOU'RE GONNA SPEW, SPEW IN THIS.

I WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO HAVE COLOSSUS SAY "PAINTING IS FOR FAGS!" BUT I FIGURED THAT WAS TOO INSENSITIVE.

THEN THINGS GET WIERD!

DEFENDER WAS ALSO SOME GOOD SHIT.

HANDLE THAT FUCKIN OSTRICH, COLOSSUS. FUCKIN GET SOME.

THIS WAS JUST A SUPER COOL CARTOONY PANEL THAT I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE RE-CAPTIONING. ITS A FUCKING MANIAC WITH FOUR ARMS WHALING ON SOME OTHER DUDE WHO'S MADE OUT OF STEEL. FUCKING COMICS BRO. FUCKIN COMICS.

Fucking Pitt. Can't fucking beat fucking Notre Dame. I swear to god if Notre Dame wins a national championship and I have to hear about what a prestigous fucking program it is for years I will fucking shit a radiator. Fuck Notre Dame. And fuck the Irish. Disgusting filth. If Ireland is so fucking great why are the so many Irish people in places that aren't Ireland? Go back to your miserable papist island of mud and puke and stop shitting up the rest of the world why don't you? And by all means, stop speaking English and revive your ancient, useless Celtic Gaelic language. All the better to ignore you rummy numbskulls.

Right, anyway, this was another pretty all right issue. I really am enjoying the shit out of Marc Silvestri's artistry. He is the fucking man.

Plotwise a bunch of stuff happens. Emo Havok mopes because he "killed" Storm. Spoiler alert: Storm is not dead, a no doy! Then he gets a call from his ex-girlfriend, Lorna Dane (nice name, not). Lorna Dane, aka Polaris, has been possesed by an evil spirit called Malice, that turns people into total dicks. But Polaris is fighting for control and reaches out to Havok for help. So the X-Men go to Punta Arenas in Argentina and are immediatley surrounded by awful Argie garbage people. Then Zaladane and the Mutates show up, who are from the Savage Land, which is a pocket of dinosaur infested jungle in the middle of Antarctica. One of the mutates has four arms and looks like Goro. Another is a frog-man. The X-Men fight and win, but Zaladane and the mutates escape back to the Savage Land with Polaris, and Havok goes undercover with them to free his lady love. Also the Reavers are still out there lurking and tracking the X-Men. The Reavers are a pack of murderous cyborg outlaws.

HOLY SHIT HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THESE FUCKING COMICS?

What do other people do with their time that doesn't involve reading X-Men? Watch Law and fucking Order? Fuck that noise.

OK I'm hungry and I need to eat and it's day lights savings so I get an extra hour of drinking so I'm peacing the fuck out of this motherfucker.

So peace already!