No, not Jewish American Princesses, but actual Japanese, as this issue is all about the (potential) submergence of the island nation of Japan, and today is racist title parody day on Balzac's Ballsack. But really, all people are worth making fun of. White, blacks, japs, whatever. It's just that certain types of people, especially the kinds with creepy half shut eyes because they're always up to no good, are the better to make fun of than others. So like, egh, barf, Asians, totally gross, man.
So I guess you could say the X-Men are in smack dab in the middle of barf country, as we join them right as their weird freighter from last issue pulls up to the port of Agarashima in Japan, which, according to the Google, is totally made up.
All the X-Men look flabbergasted because ALL OF JAPAN IS TOTALLY ON FIRE.
The X-Dudes, being heroes, rush off to go save the island, natch. Their first move is to go looking for their super hero pal and filthy slope, Sunfire. We're then treated to a breif interlude of Xavier and Lilandra IN SPACE. They're in a Shiar space ship leaving Earth, because Xavier said fuck it, I'm quitting the super hero biz, and why bother double checking with Cerebro to make sure the X-Men are DEFINITELY dead, I've got a hot space alien girlfriend so SEE YA LATER EARTH FUCKS, NOW MAKE OUT WITH ME EMPRESS LILANDRA, OH YEAH YOU FRENCH GREAT FOR A SPACE BIRD CHICK, YEAH!
Then the X-Pals find Sunfire but he is super pissed because Sunfire is in fact a great big dickhead.
Then Wolverine shows his sensitive side, and reveals the fact that he speaks Japanese because he spent some time in Japan before, and flirts with Sunfire's cousin. Oooh he is one smooth talker, yes he is.
Wolviepoo was well on his way to getting an OTCHJ (over the costume hand job) when the two lovebirds are interrupted by an EARTHQUAKE. FUCK MAN, I'M TRYING TO BANG THIS BROAD. QUIT FUCKIN COCK BLOCKING ME BRO.But this was no natural earthquake. No, if it was, Storm informs us that she would have sensed it, however this was no natural earthquake, thus Storm was unable to warn the X-Men. Great, so there's another thing Storm fucking sucks at. Seriously, can she be fired yet? Is it because she's both black and female and so fills two slots on the demographic checklist? What? X-Men aren't immune to affirmative action. It's a fact of life for mutants and humans alike. Deal with it.
Anyway, the earthquake's unnatural cause was due to some rando Avenger villains that show up out of no where, hilariously called MANDROIDS. yep, that's their name all right. The fucking Mandroids. Holy jesus.
A Mandorids, for those unfamiliar, is a bad guy in a big robotic suit with a big shooty gun attached to each hand (duh). The X-Males take all the Mandorids down in short order, prompting team leader and bestest of all X-Men, Cyclops, to offer this compliment, "By the way people, you did good tonight."
Man, what a magnanimous leader. I wish he was my leader.
Unfortunately the Mandroids were not the main boss. No, just when the X-Men start sucking each other's popsicles on a job well done, in comes Moses Magnum in a hologram, to tell the X-Men that he's totally going to sink Japan, but you'll have to tune in next month to see him do it!
Moses Magnum is a big black guy with a goatee and afro. Yeah Claremont and Byrne apparently knew it was racist day too. Pretty good issue though. The art suffered a tad due to guest inker named not-Terry-Asutin-but-someone-I'm-too-lazy-to-look-up-cause-I-just-closed-the-book but it's still all right. Thinner lines, a bit rougher, fluffier maybe, but OK. Wolverine gets to show he's more than just a homicidal berzerker (thus setting up the downward spiral that will slowly ruin his character, but its nice a welcome development at first). And the X-Men get to fuck around in Japan, which is fine. Fine, just fine. A swell time for all. Great fun times for the X-Men in Japan. WE'RE ALL HAVING A FUCKING GREAT TIME, AREN'T WE.
Ok, congrats Saints. Now with your SB win and Haiti, you're officially on your own. Look elsewhere for sympathy, at least until the Giants win another Superbowl or you get creamed by another natural disaster.
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