The best X-Men stories of all time? I'LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT

OK so I really did it. Now what? How about some retrospection? Sure let's do it!

The magnificent blog Comics Should Be Good just ran a reader poll that ranked the top 50 X-Men stories and X-Men related stories. Just now they finished it up! Tremendous!

So now I, the owner and possessor of EVERY GOD DAMN X-MEN COMIC BOOK will rank the rankings! Wisdom of the crowds don't mean shit when you're the straight up boss of X-Men comic books!

Actually this list is a good reminder of how much I still don't know about comic books. I mean I like the X-Men but some people REALLY like the X-Men. I'm actually jealous.

Anyway, using the super rad CSBG blog and their super cool readers as a resource for which to plunder, lets get judging!

50 GREATEST X-FAMILY STORIES

50. “The Good and the Famous” X-Statix #21-25
Never read it! Great start I'm off to!

49. “Days of Future Yet to Come” Excalibur #66-67
Also never read it. Sounds cool tho. Both the X-Statix and Excalibur is on my 'to-read' list!

48. “Road Trip” X-Force #71-75
Read it a loooong time ago. Cool art. Took a long time but X-Force finally found it's "voice" after the Liefeld/Nicieza days.

47. “A World Apart” Exiles #8-10
Never read it. In fact, I have no idea what the fuck this comic book is even about!

46. “Renewal” Marvel Graphic Novel #4
I own it! It's great! Prestige format form the 80's that introduced the world to the Nude Mule Taints! Not the flashiest of art but very solid. Claremont in rare form.

45. “Good Omens” X-Statix #1-5
More of that X-Statix stuff I need to read. Wow this blog post was an obviously awesome idea - going so well so far!

44. “Multiple Issues” X-Factor #14-17
Part of Peter David's return to X-Factor. I read all of his stuff from the 90's but haven't read any of the later stuff. Wow, I suck at this!

43. “Longshot” Longshot #1-6
I also own it! Whoopee! Arthur Adams earliest stuff. Very weird story. Ann Nocenti is waaaay out there. It's kind of rough but a solid B.

42. “Pawns of the White Queen” New Mutants #38-40
I own them, but I need to re-read them. I'm lazy that way!

41. “Angels and Demons” X-Force #1-6
Part of the critically acclaimed X-Force reboot. Haven't read any of it. Honestly I probably never will. Well maybe, who knows!

40. “Judgement War” X-Factor #43-50
I have all the old X-Factors and New Mutants, but I need to reread them all. Don't remember this much at all but I'm generally not a fan of Louise Simonson's writing. It's probably pretty good tho.

39. “The Open Hand, The Closed Fist” X-Force #19
Kind of shocked this ranked so high. Early 90's post Image X-Titles weren't all that great. I'll have to give it another look.

38. “Old Man Logan” Wolverine #66-72, Wolverine: Old Man Logan Giant-Sized #1
Never read it. Set in the future. Not all that enthused about it.

37. “Multiple Problems” X-Factor #71-75
Excellent books. Peter David writes some solid comics.

36. “The Shiva Scenario” Wolverine #48-50
More good shit. Larry Hama and Marc Silvestri on Wolverine. Very good stuff.

35. “Slumber Party!” New Mutants #21
Must reread. Bill Sienkiewicz is a maestro. And obviously Claremont rules.

34. “Re-X-aminations” X-Factor #13
Never read it. Jesus my batting average on these is pure crap.

33. “Magneto Testament” X-Men: Magneto Testament #1-5
I don't even know what the hell this is!

32. “The Black Sword Saga” Wolverine #1-3
The first solo Wolverine comics following the mini series. Cool shit, not the best tho.

31. “The Quest for Magik” New X-Men #38-41
I know nothing about this comic book. I'm like Jon Snow that way. Except I don't get to bang some hot piece of wildling ass.

30. “The Sword is Drawn” Excalibur: The Sword is Drawn, Excalibur #1-2
Ooh, I just bought and read The Sword is Drawn. It's very good. Alan David and Chris Claremont. Filled in some story of what happened to Nightcrawler and Kitty Pryde after the Mutant Massacre. Didn't read the first issues of Excalibur tho. BUT ITS ON THE LIST.

29. “Final Execution” Uncanny X-Force #25-35
Still haven't read any of these.

28. The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #1-4
Another blast from the past. I bought and read these but I don't remember much. Remember being vaguely disappointed. The plot contortions they went through with Cyclops' baby are unreal.

27. “The Necrom Saga” Excalibur #42-50
Necrom? What the fuck?

26. Generation Next #1-4
From the Age of Apocalypse, so I guess I bought and read these back in the 90s. I dunno, Generation X was one spin off too many. I only had so many allowance bucks then, give me a break!

25. “24 Hours” Wolverine #10
I had to pay 10 clams for this bad boy at a mini-con. That's expensive for a comic they probably printed half a million copies of. But whatever, I am a master collector and no price is too high! (Metaphorically speaking. Anything over $12 is too high a price).

24. “Multiple Choice” Madrox #1-5
Haven't read it, I'll keep an eye out for it!

23. “We Were Only Foolin’” New Mutants #45
A masterpiece. A+. I learned not to be racist by reading this comic book. I'd be a virulent bigot if it weren't for Chris Claremont. Thanks guy!

22. “Magik” Uncanny X-Men #160/Storm and Illyana: Magik #1-4
I gotta get my hands on this one. Colossus' sister spent 7 years as a child in Hell, and this is the story of those great times she had learning out to be fabulous demon sorceress. So much ensorcellation!

21. “Third Genesis” Generation X #1-3
Like I said, one spin off too far. Pass.

20. “Why Do We Do the Things We Do?” New Mutants Annual #2/X-Men Annual #10
Excellent comics, especially X-Men Annual #10, one of my favorites. I bought that comic at a flea market way back in the day. A flea market! How quaint!

19. “Origin” Wolverine: The Origin #1-6
A big pile of bullshit. Just when you thought they couldn't fuck up the character any more, they drop this pungent turd all over our faces. Fuck this garbage.
18. “Endgame” X-Factor #65-68
Written by Claremont so it's obviously totally rad. Whilce Portacio's finest work as an artist, too.

17. “Soulwar” New Mutants #26-28
Must reread. I've just decided, the whole 100 issues of the New Mutants are next! Hooray for mutants!

16. “Final Chapter” X-Force #125-129
The hipsterest of all the X-Men comics. It's probably all right.

15. “Enemy of the State” Wolverine #20-31
Can't say I ever cared much for John Romita Jr's penciling. I might give this a look see tho.

14. “The Longest Night” X-Factor #1-6
The return of X-Factor, the squarest of all the X-Titles! Never read any of it.

13. “Chilhood’s End” New X-Men #20-31
I seriously have no idea what New X-Men is or what its about. I am out of touch with the comics community!

12. Kitty Pryde and Wolverine #1-6
I read that Claremont considers this mini series as good as the one he did with Frank Miller. It's not. Not bad but not great. Part of the habit of taking mutants without good offensive powers (like Kitty Pryde) and just making them ninjas so they can do something in fights. I's all kind of silly.

11. “Time and a Half/Overtime” X-Factor #39-50
Still haven't read of these. So back off!

10. “New Beginning” X-Force #116-120
Fuckin ditto!

9 “Fall of the Mutants” X-Factor #24-26
Louise Simonson wrote it, so i's not my fav, but her hubby Walt drew it and he is bad ass. Angel, whose shitty power is to have big feathery wings, is truned into a blue skinned knife shooting metal winged killer! Much better! Good job everyone (except the costume, which blows).

8 “The Cross-Time Caper” Excalibur #12-24
Still haven't read it but it's still on the list. By the way, shouldn't it be X-Calibur? Bet it would have sold more if they called it that. At least it would be with the rest of the X comics on the display rack.

7 “The Apocalypse Solution” Uncanny X-Force #1-4
The Apocalypse Solution? Whats that, some new cleaning product? You know water is the universal solvent. Have you tried H2O and a little elbow grease?

6. “Home is Where the Heart Is” New Mutants Special Edition #1/X-Men Annual #9
Excellent comics. Art Adams at his peak. Collected in an excellent trade paperback before that was a common thing.

5. “Weapon X” Marvel Comics Presents #72-84
Fuccking mind blowingly awesome. Marvel Comics Presents was also an awesome anthology. It came out weekly and contained 3 separate storylines. A great way to feast on super heroes. Also always included at least one wolverine story, because $ALE$ BRO.

4. “The Dark Angel Saga” Uncanny X-Force #8, 10-18
Jesus people really liked these Uncanny X-Force comics. Well you can't peer pressure me, internet! I'll read these when I'm good and god damn ready, and not a moment sooner!

3. “The Demon Bear Saga” New Mutants #18-20
Demon Bear! The most dangerous of all the bears! I'll re-read this shortly.

2. “X-Aminations” X-Factor #87
A revelation when it first came out. Superstar artist and future Ed in Chief Joe Quesada draws a whole comic book about super heroes with NOTHING BUT TALKING? No fights, no 'splosions, no jump kicks to the dome, just some supes and a shrink, hashing out life. It's deep, bro. Like way deep. Take a bow Peter David.

1. Wolverine mini-series #1-4
No surprise here. Chris Claremont + Pre-insane Frank Miller + pre fucked out Wolverine = INTERNATIONAL MEGA HIT SENSATION. Miller gets credit for his ground breaking layouts but was anyone else bothered by all the white space on the pages? Feels like we're getting ripped off. Also if you enjoy the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and their rad ninja weapons, thank this comic book, which served as their primary inspiration. Finally, WHY DIDN'T THE ARROWS HAVE ARROWHEADS? WHAT KIND OF ARROW IS JUST HAS A SHARPENED TIP? IS THAT A REAL THING? WHAT GIVES? Never got that.

OK, halftime! That's right, we're only half way done. Excited? I know I am!

50. The Phalanx Covenant (Generation Next: Uncanny X-Men #316-317, X-Men #36-37, Life Signs: X-Factor #106, X-Force #38 and Excalibur #82 and Final Sanction: Wolverine #85 and Cable #16)
Eh, I'm luke warm on this one. This crossover mainly served as an excuse to print $4 foil embossed special covers and bilk poor pimply teenagers of their hard earned allowance. It sure fucking worked in my case.

49. The Trial of Magneto” Uncanny X-Men #200
Good, right back with some Claremont excellence. Claremont started taking the comic into grittier territory right around now. Still some fun heroics going on. And Magneto turns into a conflicted good guy, a great character turn for which Claremont does not get enough credit.

48. “Wounded Wolf” Uncanny X-Men #205
Wolverine is out of his skull bonkers and hangs out with a little girl as he's being stalked by some cyborg named Lady Deathstrike. Yep, this is why comic books are awesome! Barry Windsor Smith knocked it out of the park with the art.

47. “Magik” Uncanny X-Men #160 (plus the Magik mini-series)
More awesomeness. A little girl goes to hell! Hopefully she took the nature trail to get there! One of the best single issues.

46. “I, Magneto” Uncanny X-Men #150
Solid issue. A turning point in the comic as Magneto starts to realize being a super villain is kind of a drag. Also a showcase for Storm suckiness

45. “In the Shadow of…Sauron” X-Men #60-63
Good for a Silver Age comic book but nothing pre Claremont would have made my list. Have to admire the pilfering of the name Sauron from right out of Lord of the Rings. Guess neither those books nor the X-Men were popular enough for anyone to give much of a shit at the time.

44. “Imperial” New X-Men #118-126
The John Byrne X-Men. Some consider his run to be the best. Not me! It's good but it's not the best.

43. “World Tour” X-Men #114-121
More Byrne Style. All very enjoyable but its all primary color spandex and shit. I prefer my X-Men a bit grimier!

42. “An Age Undreamed Of” Uncanny X-Men #190-191
It's an X-Men/Conan mash up. Cool stuff, especially if you love fucking Conan. Guest stars the Avengers and fuckin Spider-Man. Solid B, B+.

41. “Rise and Fall of the Shi’Ar Empire” Uncanny X-Men #475-486
I haven't even fuckin read this storyline yet. Though I appreciate the fact that it stays in one title and doesn't cross over into 20 other books. Looks cool. I also do enjoy the X-Men in outer fucking space.

40. “Professor Xavier is a Jerk!” Uncanny X-Men #168
Hah, he sure is! Kitty burns the professor by exclaiming the title in the opening splash page. Left a big impression on Joss Whedon, who wrote some fan-fic about the X-Men revolving around this comic book that they later published as an actual comic book.

39. “House of M” House of M #1-8
Didn't read it yet. Might never get to it. I collect Uncanny X-Men but that's about all the time and energy I have for superheores comics. Just keeping up with PART of the X-Universe these days will run like, $100/month. Fuck that noise, I need that money for alcohol.

38. “Earthfall” Uncanny X-Men #232-234
The X-Men vs the Brood, take 2. Its the Marc Silvestri era, so right in my wheel house. Enjoyable comics, but why does Claremont insist on having everyone call the brood "sleazoids"? So weird!

37. “From the Ashes” Uncanny X-Men #174-175
Except for some of the issues collected in the Dark Phoenix Saga, Paul Smith's run as artist was superior to Byrne's. There was just more pathos and gravitas and other fancy froo froo words going on in the Smith issues. These were very good, but they also started getting everything all fucked up with the Madelyne Pryor nonsense.

36. “He’ll Never Make Me Cry” Uncanny X-Men #183
Another worthy entry. The best part is Wolverine and Nightcrawler are drinking buddies, and they are initiating Colossus into their club of drunks. Oh god how I wish I was in that club.

35. “Blood Feud!” Uncanny X-Men #159/X-Men Annual #6
Dracula guest stars. Like, THE fuckin Dracula. The fucking Transylvanian count. Excellent art by a young Bill Sienkiewicz.

34. “The Rise of the Phoenix!” X-Men #101, 105, #107-108
The very first Claremont instance of taking a timid, not very powerful female character and turning them into unstoppable killing machines. Well, powering them up anyway. Whats interesting here is We later learn that this new Phoenix character is actually some wacky energy clone of Jean Grey and not actually Jean Grey anymore. Some universal entity known as the Phoenix Force copied Jean's lifeforce or some shit. Anyway, these issues really show their age. Very early Claremont and Cockrum. Only so so.

33. “A Green And Pleasant Land” Uncanny X-Men #235-238
Way too low on this list. These comics were great. I wish Silvestri could have done all the artwork but they were on a bi-monthly schedule and the summer sales season waits for no artist! Least not back in the 80s anyway. The apartheid metaphor looks a little strained from current hindsight but it was quite the ambitious undertaking. These are grade A comics.

32. “Here Comes Tomorrow” New X-Men #151-154
The end of Grant Morrison's take on the X-Men. I don't think I have all these yet so I haven't read most of it. I generally like Morrison's work and what I have read has been pretty decent. These issues were also part of Marc Silvestri's return to the franchise. I look forward to giving these a closer look in the future. Cool story, bro!

31. “Second Coming” X-Men: Second Coming #1-2, Uncanny X-Men #523-525, New Mutants #12-14, X-Men: Legacy #235-237 and X-Force #26-28
Didn't really follow this much. Something about some mini Jean Grey-ish character and Cable and who fucking knows. Probably never bother learning either.

30. “X-Tinction Agenda” New Mutants #95-97, Uncanny X-Men #270-272 and X-Factor #60-62
This cross over had the potential to be one of the all time greats, but I frankly think Louise Simonson fucked it up. The Uncanny issues had Claremont and Jim Lee just killing it, firing on all cylinders, then Simonson and her outclassed art teams mailed in a bunch of turkeys. In my humble, jagov opinion anyway.

29. “SuperNovas” X-Men #188-193
Never read it. Don't think I own it either. I'd like to tho. I heard good things about Mike Carey, and I've liked the little of his stuff I've read so far. Honestly tho I got a lot of fucking comics to buy before I get to these. It may be a while.

28. “Crossroads” Uncanny X-Men #269, 273-277
AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME COMICS. A+. Claremont is just about wrapping up his run and Jim Lee is on fucking fire. I will make love to these comics.

27. “X-Cutioner’s Song” Uncanny X-Men #294-297, X-Factor #84-86, X-Men #14-16 and X-Force #16-18
I don't understand how these rate higher than the ones above it. These were mostly duds, from the Scott Lobdell/Fabian Nicieza era. VERY mediocre.

26. “Torn” Astonishing X-Men #13-18
The middle of Joss Whedon's epic fan wank to the X-Men. The comics were actually pretty good but I think they're a tad over rated in retrospect. Kind of like Whedon in general. But I respect the man and his work. He also made a movie that raked in literally billios. FUCKING BILLIOS.

25. “Mutant Genesis” X-Men #1-3
The official end of the Claremont era. I remember reading X-Men #3 and being like, WTF, Claremont's out? What the fuck for? Pretty decent comics, though I don't know if they're top 25. Eh, probably they are. Yes, that is expert analysis from me, thank you.

24. “Dancin’ in the Dark” Uncanny X-Men #169-170
I guess if you're going to try and make Storm cool (which is impossible because Storm sucks), then you may as well have her get in a knife fight in an underground tunnel. Knife fights are always a good idea.

23. “Demon” Uncanny X-Men #143
Kitty Pryde has to fight a fucking demon all by her self. I would have just gotten the fuck out of the X-Mansion and called the Avengers. But Kitty has way more guts than I do, and manages to kill the fucker using the Blackbird's jet engines. Knowing that they can't use that gimmick more than once, Kitty soon thereafter gets a pet fire breathing dragon to help her be not so useless in battles. Later she becomes a ninja as well. But here she is still a 13 year old girl with shitty powers. Good comic - John Byrne's last one I believe.

22. “Magneto Triumphant!” X-Men #112-113
Magneto, still in Silver Age super villain mode! I wonder how he came up with the name Magneto. Like, was he sitting around, going through puberty, realizing he can control metal object with his mind and was like, hey, I'm like a human magnet! Hey, everyone, call me Magneto from now on! The name is stupid is what I'm implying. Decent comics but in the B range.

21. “LifeDeath” Uncanny X-Men #186, 198
Gah, I did not like these comics. Storm and Forge, the two worst X-Men. The stories were supposed to be deep and meaningful but they were jut goofy and pretentious to me. I WANT ACTION. Despite the superb artwork from Barry Windsor Smith, these are C's.

20. “Planet X” New X-Men #146-150
More from Morrison that I haven't read yet. These at least I plan on getting around to.

19. “The Sentinels Live!” X-Men #54-59
Nah, nothing from the Silver Age run should be on this list. Fuckin big purple rowbits are great but it's still not enough. C minus.

18. “Second Genesis” Giant-Size X-Men #1
Obviously an important issue, and if it wasn't any good the whole franchise would've been canceled and you'd only see the occasional revived mini series as a novelty and no historic Claremont run etc etc, but still, not that great of a comic book on it's own merits. I'd take pretty much any issue from the 80's over it, and most issues from the 90s. Altho I do own it and it is the most expensive comic I own. Which is fun to brag about and gets me laid all the time.

17. “Riot at Xavier’s” New X-Men #134-138
I like pronouncing it Rye-ot, like from the Sublime. Don't start a rye ot! Anyway, didn't read it. Next.

16. “The Brood Saga” Uncanny X-Men #156-157, 162-167
Famous for introducing the world to the sensitive space whales! Pretty cool but not my favorite. Dave Cockrum never really did it for me. Byrne's work was much stronger back in the day and Cockrum's work suffers by comparison. But points for being up in space!

15. “Fatal Attractions” X-Factor #92, X-Force #25, Uncanny X-Men #304, X-Men #25, Wolverine #75 and Excalibur #71
Fuck these comics. Gimmicky holographic covers that helped undeservedly separate a snot nosed me from my cash. Wolverine getting his adamantium pulled out of his body was pretty cool, I guess. I didn't need to pay $3.95 for each issue tho. Bastards.

14. “Fall of the Mutants” Uncanny X-Men #225–227, X-Factor #24-26, and The New Mutants #59-61
Excellent comics. I don't think the 3 storylines had much to do with each other but a lot of heavy shit went down and it was well done, even the Louise Simonson written X-Factors. I think the ranking is appropriate.

13. “Asgardian Wars” X-Men and Alpha Flight #1-2, New Mutants Special Edition #1 and X-Men Annual #9
About as fun and enjoyable a comic book as you can get. Really really good shit. The writing and artwork come together seamlessly. Paul Smith and Arthur Adams at their best, and a not too shabby Claremont with a parable about creativity and success. I should reread this fucker right now.

12. “Messiah Complex” X-Men: Messiah CompleX”, Uncanny X-Men #492-494, X-Men #205-207, New X-Men #44-46 and X-Factor #25-27
More of this modern stuff I didn't keep up with and probably never will. Whatever.

11. “Inferno” New Mutants #71-73, Uncanny X-Men #239-243, X-Factor #35-39 and a ton of other issues
The Uncanny issues were my favorite from super talent Marc Silvestri. I heartily endorse these comics and the very high ranking.

10. “The Proteus Saga” X-Men #125-128
A little high on the list for my taste but overall some good John Byrne era stuff. As the comics leading up to the Dark Phoenix Saga, I knew they existed but were difficult to track down, since they weren't collected in a trade paperback until much later. It was either spend a fortune on the originals or get them in Classic X-Men form. I did both, because I am awesome and money is of no concern to me.

9. “Unstoppable” Astonishing X-Men #19-24, Giant-Size Astonishing X-Men #1
The culmination of Whedon's X-Boner. Again, these were good, but over rated. I'll take any Jim Lee or Marc Silvestri storyline over these.

8. “To Have and Have Not” Uncanny X-Men #172-173
Rogue and Wolvie have a party and Storm gets a Mohawk. OOH WOW A MOHAWK. YOURE SO FUCKING COOL STORM. CAN I BE YOU? PSYCHE! FUCK YOU STORM YOU STILL SUCK. Good issues. Might not be my number 8 but I won't quibble with the placement.

7. “Mutant Massacre” Uncanny X-Men #210-213, X-Factor #9-11, Thor #373-374, New Mutants #46 and Power Pack #27
Fuck yeah baby. What do you do when your artists draws a horde of Morlocks when you only wanted a handful? Wait a year or two and then write a storyline where some villains murder the fuck out of everyone. Skip the Thor and Power Pack issues, they were only included because Claremont's besties, Louise and Walt Simonson, were in charge of those books. These comics were fucking awesome. They'd be in my top 5.

6. “Gifted” Astonishing X-Men #1-6
Man, fanboys fucking love Joss Whedon. I like just about everything the guy does but give it a rest, will you, internet? Also the Buffy movie was superior than the TV show. There was so much more to hate on the show. Like that stupid fucking nightclub. Fuck that show. The movie had Pee-Wee Herman. Case closed.

5. “E is for Extinction” New X-Men #114-116
The internet also loves Morrison. The Filth is my favorite things of his I've read. I started reading the Invisibles but there's like a hundred thousand issues and I got impatient and quit. Animal Man is all right. We3 is great. His All-Star Superman series was also good but fuck Superman. That guy is an asshole.

4. “God Loves, Man Kills” Marvel Graphic Novel #5
Oddly enough, I never read it, even though it's considered a Claremont classic. Most of the plot made it into the X-Men movies from what I hear. I'm sure I'll read it eventually.

3. “The Age of Apocalypse” X-Men: Alpha #1, Amazing X-Men #1-4, Astonishing X-Men #1-4, X-Men: Omega #1 plus a bunch of tie-ins
Good for the post Claremont era but too high for me. Shit was cool, but it was just an alternate timeline type of thing. More of a novelty than anything. I mean, it was fine, just not top 3.

2. “Days of Future Past” X-Men #141/Uncanny X-Men #142
You're welcome, TERMINATOR MOVIES. Also Age of Apocalypse. Speaking of movies, it'll be interesting to see how the integrate this into the next X-Men movie. These comics were pretty fucking great, so I think #2 is correct.

1. “Dark Phoenix Saga” X-Men #129-137
Yeah, had to know this was coming. I probably have to agree. I mean it was the first X-Men comics I read (in trade paperback of course). And it was astoundingly original. Wolverine at his most bad ass, Cyclops owning shit all over the place, and gut punch for an ending that is STILL shocking for what it did. Of course Jean Grey's death was then retconned, negating so much that made the story great, but, that's fucking comics for you.

OK so that's enough fucking typing for now. I'm going to go take a nap and rewatch last night's Breaking Bad. Also fuck proofreading, I'm publishing this bitch right now.