X-MEN 279: BAD TO THE BONER

THE END OF AN ERA.

 

WELL I DID IT. I REALLY FUCKING DID IT. ALL THE X-MEN. BY CHRIS CLAREMONT. HOLY SHIT WHAT A MONUMENTAL WASTE OF TIME.

WHATEVER, THESE COMIC BOOKS ARE AWESOME AND SO AM I.

OH GREAT, FUCKING COLOSSUS IS BACK. NICE POSTURE FUCKING COLOSSUS.

I LOVE THESE PANELS. "BLAH BLAH BLAH - AAAAHHHHHH! WE'RE FALLING DOWN A FUCKING CLIFF!!!!! AAHHHHH! ANYWAY BLAH BLAH BLAH"

NOW COLOSSUS IS ALL RED. STAND UP STRAIGHT, WEIRDO.

WHAT IS THIS A FUCKING WIERD POSE OFF?

WHAT ARE THEY TAKING A TANDEM SHIT? THE FUCK.

I THINK THIS IS ONE OF THE LAST PAGES OF UNCANNY X-MEN SCRIPTED BY CLAREMONT. HE CAME BACK SEVERAL YEARS LATER BUT THOSE ISSUES WERE CRAP.

THIS NARRATION BOXES EXPLAIN THAT COLOSSUS HAS FOUND A NEW LIFE AND RETIRED FROM BEING A SUPER HERO. BUT THEN HE WAS FORCED TO COME BACK BY THE EVIL SHADOW KING. AND THEN CLAREMONT BASICALLY SAID FUCK THIS NOISE, I'M OUT. THE END.

BUT THERE IS STILL HALF A SHITTY COMIC BOOK LEFT. LOTS OF X-MEN VS MIND CONTROLED X-MEN ACTION.

ANDY KUBERT DOES NOT DO A VERY GOOD JOB WITH THE CHARACTER POSES.

WAS ROGUE FLYING UPSIDE DOWN WHEN SHE GOT SHOT?

SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH XAVIER'S HUNCHBACK IMPRESSION?

 

Well well well, here were are, right in the middle of a fucking crossover, right in the middle of a fucking issue, yet our job is done. Claremont's run on the Uncanny X-Men is over, and basically so is this blog.

 

I'll come back to write more when I don't have such a fucking headache. Anyway, Xavier is attacked by mind controlled Colossus back in the basement of the ruined X-Mansion. The rest of the folks are either under the Shadow King's thrall or fighting the aforementioned enthralled X-bozos.

 

Andy Kubert is a skilled artist but this issue is pretty shitty. He's doing his Jim Lee impression but exaggerating the negative qualities and not adding much else. But whatever, it gets much worse than this. Mainly its just the ridiculous poses. So bizarre.

 

The Muir Pen15land Saga wraps up a couple issues later, with X-Factor, ie the original 5 X-Turds showing up. Forge grabs an enthralled Psylocke's hand whole she's making a psychic knife and stabs Polaris in the head. Polaris is being used, for whatever reason, as the nexus holding the Shadow King's purely psychic being tethered to the corporal world. Xavier's son, Legion, dies (or does he????) and the Shadow King is defeated.

 

But that happens a couple issues later. Then all the X-titles are rebooted and the suck much more forever.

 

Now I need a fucking nap. God damn hangover.