X-Men 209: Sal's Haitian

What we learned this issue besides that Salvatore has a thing for French speaking Caribbean ladies.

BIG PINK ROBOTS + X-MENS + MORLOCKS + HELLFIRE CLUB = FIGHT!

MUTANTS OF THE WORLD UNITE. PROLETARIAT X-BAGS AND BOURGEOIS HELLFIRE PIGS AND LITERAL SEWER DWELLING SLUDGE BUCKET MORLOCKS TEAM UP TO DEFEND THEMSELVES AGAINST A FASCIST PINK ROBOT DEATH DEALER.

THE HELLFIRE CLUB HAS LOW ADMISSION STANDARDS. THEY LET IN THIS DOPEY FATSO WITH A HANDLE BAR MUSTACHE.

ALSO SEBASTIAN SHAW MAY BE A RICH AND POWERFUL INDUSTRIALIST ALPHA MUTANT, BUT HE'S ALSO WEARING A PURPLE JUMPSUIT AND THIGH HIGH LIME GREEN BOOTS AND GLOVES. WHAT THE HELL MAN.

WOLVERINE AND NIGHTCRAWLER GO OUT CRUISING.

KITTY'S ALL MAD RACHEL SUMMERS IS NOT HELPING. AH DUH, WOLVERINE JUST STABBED HER GUTS OUT LIKE 20 MINUTES AGO, CUT HER SOME FUCKIN SLACK YA FUCKIN BITCH.

RACHEL SUMMERS FUCKS OFF TO SPIRAL'S MAGICAL FANTASY 'BODY SHOPPE' AND BLAH BLAH BLAH, UPSHOT IS SHE LEAVES THE BOOK PRETTY MUCH FOREVER. HOORAY!

THAT DICKHEAD FRED VON ROEHM GETS TOTALLY FUCKINGN VAPORIZED.

HAHA. SUCK ONE, FATSO.

NIMROD DOESN'T PLAY. LUCKILY COLOSSUS ALSO KEEPS IT REAL.
NIMROD IS ALMOST COMPLETELY FRAGGED BUT THEN TELEPORTS RIGHT BEFORE WOLVERINE CAN FINISH HIM OFF. AND FORMER ENEMIES ARE FWENDS... UNTIL NEXT TIME!

Another kick ass issue. Nimrod, that big pink fucker, wants all mutants dead, so assholes X-Men and fuckstick Hellfire club team up. No X-Men die but Nightcrawler gets pretty badly fucked up. But Von Roehm is toast and Harry Leland dies of a heart attack. What a fucking loser. What super villain dies from cardiac arrest? Seriously. Total loser.

The action cuts back and forth between the epic battle in the Rambles of Central Park (big deal, I've been there, I think anyway), and Rachel Summers slowly losing her mind with the help of Spiral's nefarious influence. Phoenix never fit in with the X-Dongs, or really in the whole era, so she's easily manipulated by another random appearance of uber plot contrivance character, Spiral, and her magics. The real reason Rachel just kind of walks right out of the book is because A) she's too powerful to the next storyline - she'd just stop the bad guys and the crossover would be finished, and B) her "mom" Jean Grey is back with her "dad" Cyclops and the new series, X-Factor, and the meeting between Rachel and her two "parents" needs to be delayed for a while.

So Rachel Summers is the fuck out of here, yeah! Have fun in stupid Excalibur that I never read even though it was also written by Chris Claremont and I heard it was pretty good. But fuck all that shit.

Anyway, the little two issue fight with Nimballs is over and it was pretty dope. I think Nipsrod shows up later but I don't remember much. AND NEXT ISSUE we start seeing the Morlocks get their shit completely and thoroughly ruined in the MUTANT MASSACRE. X-Men 210 is also the first X-Mans comic book that I read, as it was part of the first batch of comics me and my older brothers read that is in totally fucked up shape right now. I was 5, but I still knew it was awesome.

And Claremont has now been writing the X-Pals for 10 god damn years. Holy shit. And I've been writing this motherfucking blog for like 21 months. WELL FUCK MY SACK.