Sunday, March 11, 2012

X-Men 231: Breasts that Shimmer

What we learn this issue besides that Colossus' shiny metal pecs shimmer in the sun. 

ITS MUTANT VS MONSTER IN THIS DRAMATIC POSE OFF.

HEY COLOSSUS, LET OFF SOME STEAM.

HAHAHAH, JUST LIKE COMMANDO.

WHAT DO YOU TELL AN X-WOMAN WITH TWO BLACK EYES? NOTHING YOU'VE ALREADY TOLD HER TWICE! UP TOP BRO!

COLOSSUS YOU SLUT.

YOU MEAN YOU NEVER READ THE MASTER AND MARGARITA? YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, GO TO A FUCKING LIBRARY WHY DON'T YOU.

The X-Men take another detour from their typical Australian ownage so that Colossus can go hang out with his demon sorceress kid sister, Illyana, or Magik as she is stupidly called, and for Claremont to reference some lame literary classic and show off how smart and cultured he is. Well la-dee-da Mr Russian literature man. Sorry I was too busy catching up on my Nabokov to get around to reading Bulgakov's magnum opus.

Anyway, it's not a bad issue. A little tangential, with Baba fucking Yaga showing up as the antagonist. But it's always good to see Illyana Rasputin, the innocent 7 year old who was abducted to hell raped by demons until she learned to master the dark arts, fought back against her oppressors and conquered hell for herself. Except Claremont has to call Hell 'Limbo' for some dumb reason. Magik is one of the most bizarre characters in all of fiction so I usually enjoy her stories.

But even though Colossus saves her sister and the New Mutants from the Slavic folklore terrors, Illyana still things he's dead, along with the rest of the X-Men, and that what she saw was just some phantom apparition.

Nothing of real consequence happens but there is more good characterization by Claremont and Leonardi's art is excellent as a fill in for Marc Silvestri. His cover kind of blows though. Too busy, and too many primary color's distracting from what should be the focal point of Colossus and S'ym. See issue 229 for how a cover like that should be composed.

Not sure if this was a planned filler or if the editors commissioned this to be used whenever Silvestri fell behind schedule and just had to use it really early. Either way, next is the start of a 3 part Brood storyline (yes, the fucking sleazoids). GREAT, FUCKING SLEAZOIDS.

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