X-Men 243: Gashes - INFERNS Part FERNS

 HEY ARE YOU READY TO GET ALL UP IN THIS ASTRAL MOTHERFUCKING PLANE AND SHIT?

SO FAR THIS IS THE BEST COVER I'VE "IMPROVED" BECAUSE ITS THE ONLY ONE (SO FAR) THAT INCLUDES LOVITZ.

MAYBE JEAN GREY IS JUST PLAYING DEAD. YOU KNOW, ACTING! JUST LIKE A MASTER THESPIAN!

DID YOU THINK I WAS REALLY UPSET ABOUT YOU SMASHING THAT MIRROR? ACTING!

I WASN'T SCARED OF THAT OGRE! ACTING!

BUT THOSE MIND BULLETS? THEY'RE LEGIT.

SEE YOU IN HELL, X-MANSHUN.

Over in X-Factor, written and drawn by Mr and Mrs Simonson, (who are married, not unlike Jan and Wayne Skylar the only married news team in the tri-county area) X-Mens and X-Factors have put aside their differences and fought all the goblins attacking New York. They then turn their attention to the goblin's titular Queen, Madelyne Pryor. Pryor, recently revealed to be a clone of original X-Man and current X-Factor team member Jean Grey, then kills herself, not unlike the last time Jean Grey was cloned, then by the cosmic entity known as the Phoenix Force. WHAAAAAAAAT?????

Anyhow, Maddy was just a level boss, the final boss is Mr. Sinister. Mr fuckin Sinister is such a dick that when Cyclops was a little toddler alone in an orphanage he thought it would be fun to put him in a coma. Fucking whats that guys fuckin problem? Fuckin dick, right?

Then for some reason that I can't figure, everyone ends up in Jean Grey's mind, because she is assimilating her dead clone's fading memories as her own? And then Sinister shows up and starts smashing things and trying to eat their mind bodies? THEN THE FUCKING X-MANSION EXPLODES????

That's pretty much it. Former-X-Man-Polaris-now-mind-controlled-by-Marauder-Malice and Sinister stand among the rubble ready to finish off the X-Men/Factors for good. And then sleeveless bemulleted nitwit Longshot is all like, uh, can I help you guys? And Polaris is all like, yeah you can help yourself to my fists, ass! And Sinister is like, yeah I'm gonna pound you, turd! And then Longshot's like, nuh uh, I'm gonna pound on YOU, ASS TURD!

Then in an issue of X-Factor there is a battle in real life, not Jean Grey's head, and the X-Manfactors win when Cyclops flays Sinister to the bone with his optic blasts. Then the X-Men peace out back to Australia and X-Factor goes back to being a less than mediocre book. And that's the end of El Infierno.

I still have to cover Annual #12 but otherwise that's it for Essential vol 8. Actually getting within sight of the finish line. Over 30 issues and a few years of stories to go, but Inferno marks the end of a significant chunk of Claremont's story. I'll probably have more to say about it next issue. Right now I need to go the fuck to bed.