X-MEN 251: BEAVER DREAM

I'D LIKE TO GET DOWN ON SOME OF THAT RED HOT BEAVER ACTION IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

THIS REALLY IS ONE OF THE GANRLIEST MAINSTREAM SUPERHERO COMIC BOOK COVERS OF THE 20TH CENTURY. AND OF COURSE IT IS ALSO IMPROVED BY GIVING WOLVERINE A BONER.

SAY THAT REMINDS ME, EVER NOTICE HOW A LOT OF THOSE CRUCIFIXES MAKE IT LOOK LIKE JESUS IS DOING A 'SCHWING' FROM WAYNE'S WORLD? WELL I NOTICE. I NOTICE IT A LOT.

UHHH..... WAS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY?

BEING CRUCIFIED IS NO PINIC, BELIEVE YOU ME.

WOLVIE'S ALWAYS GOT BEAV ON THE MIND.

THATS DONALD PIERCE. HE'S A CYBORG, SO HE'S AWESOME, OBV.

MAN. REMEMBER WHEN WOLVERINE WAS FUCKING AWESOME AND OWNED EVERYONE AND COULD JUST RIP HIMSELF OFF A CRUCIFIX IF HE FUCKING WANTED TO BECAUSE HE IS A BOSS AND DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT?

So this issue was obviously awesome. It's often cited as "the one where Wolverine gets crucified" and is considered a high point of Claremont's Australian run by nerds, virgins and shut-ins throughout the blogosphere. It's also pretty much the end of the 'Oz-Men', as the remaining X-Turkeys except Wolveroonie (who's busy being crucified, duh) walk through the Deus Ex-Seige Perilous and the team is effectively kaput. It'll be another 25 issues and 2 years or so before Claremont is foreced by his editors to get the band back together. When he finally does though, the X-Men start selling literally millions of copies of comic books, but it also preciptates Claremont's depature from the franchise. But all that is a tale for another time. Like when I finally get to those issues, which will be, I don't know, later. Who even fucking cares, it's not like anyone is reading this shit anyway.

The schedule and motivation behind these blog posts is not important. What matters is that Wolverine is getting fucked the fuck up by cybernetic mercenary assholes. And while he's getting tortured he starts hallucinating all sorts of shit. Like basically all the characters he's interacted with in comics for the last 5 years, as well as what happened to the X-Men while he was taking his sweet ass time getting back to thier home base.

It's all rather confusing, especially for dorky 12 year old fanboys. There was no internet to look this shit up on, so I just enjoyed the pretty pictures and watched Duck Tales.

Anyway, Wolverine's indomitable will allows him to survive the Reavers' 'Passion of the Logan' (classic evil villain mistake numero uno, bro. Just kill the motherfucker), and he escapes and then meets his new sidekick, Korean-American valley girl teenager Jubilee.

GREAT, GRAND, WONDERFUL. CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.