X-MEN 277: FREAK CHALET

HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS I'M STILL DOING THESE FUCKING THINGS. WHAT EVEN THE FUCK FOR ANYWAY?

 

WOW A PG COVER. DON'T SEE THAT FROM ME VERY OFTEN.

BTW I WANT TO START A BAND CALLED DICK SMACKEY AND THE FARMINGTONES. WE WOULD COVER KID ROCK AND CREED MOSTLY.

THIS IS ISSUE IS A REAL COMING OUT PARTY FOR GAMBIT. HE FUCKING REGULATES ALL UP AND DOWN THE UNITED STATES OF SPACE.

HAHA, I FORGOT MITBAG IS AN ANAGRAM OF GAMBIT. VERY NICE. MITBAG. SOLID ANAGRAM.

COOLEST THING FORGE HAS EVER DONE, PROBABLY.

BY THE WAY I HAVE A QUESTION. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO FOR A FACE WHEN GODZILLA WANTS HIS BUTT BACK?

HAHAHA, THE BEST OF ALL BURNS.

JUST A NICE SEQUENCE INVOLVING LASER BLASTERS AND STORM WITH SHOULDER MOUNTED ROCKET LAUNCHERS AND THEN STORM GETTING ROCKED IN THE FACE WITH LASER BLASTS.
 

OH SORRY, DID YOU CONFUSE WOLVERINE WITH A MUTANT WHO COUNTENANCES TRIFLING?

ITS ACTUALLY FAKE SKRULL WOLVERINE, JUST FYI. BUT STILL, REAL WOLVERINE BROOKS NO FOOLISHNESS NEITHER.

MORE EVIDENCE OF MITBAG'S AFOREMENTIONED REGULATION. VERY BAWSE LIKE.

FUCK OFF FAKE PURPLE SKINNED, MOHAWKED, NON COPYRIGHT INFRINGING SUPERMAN!

THAT'S BUDDING FAN FAV MITBIG PLUNGING THAT SPEAR THROUGH FAKE SKRULL WOLVERINE'S BACK AND RIB CAGE (WHICH WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE WITH REAL WOLVERINE AND HIS UNBREAKABLE ADAMANTIUM COATED SKELETON, NATCH).

SO YEAH, MITBAG WRECKING HOUSE. WAY TO GO MITBAG.

PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE RECAPTIONED THIS IS A CURSE WORD. LIKE, OI CUNT. XAVIER COULD BE DOING A JASON STATHAM IMPRESSION, WHY NOT?

ANYWAY, XAVIER AND THE REST OF THE X-MEN WERE BOUND UP IN SOME COMPUTER THING AND THE SKRULLS WERE TAKING OVER AND THERE'S ACTUALLY WAY MORE TO THIS "HOST" THING AND THE SKRULLS WANT FEMALES FOR SOME SICK BROODING SHIT BUT THEY NEVER REALLY GET INTO IT AND EVENTUALLY THE REAL CHARLES XAVIER PLEASE STANDS UP AND THE X-MEN WIN.

BUT NO TIME TO CATCH YOUR BREATH X-PALS! THE FUCKING SHADOW KING HAS BEEN FUCKING UP MUIR ISLAND FOR LIKE 25 ISSUES. AND NOW HE MIND RAPED COLOSSUS AND HE'S ABOUT TO SIC HIM ON STEVIE FUCKING HUNTER (NO BIG LOSS IF I'M BEING HONEST). BUT STILL, GET THE FUCK OUT OF SPACE AND BACK HOME TO ERF YOU FUCKING X-MEN!

Another fun issue, and this time I'm not hungover but in fact, buzzed off natural light, for that natural smooth flavor that hopefully won't leave me feeling like warmed over death tomorrow.

This pretty much concludes Chris Claremont's last major story arc in Uncanny X-Bros that he sees through to the finish. Which is a shame, because this Shadow King fucking up of Muir Island has been brewing in the background for fucking years now. But Claremont recuses himself from the title before that whole thing is done. At this point he's like, 16, 17 years on the title, and is understandable burnt out. Still, it's a shame this is all coming to end, especially when these action packed issues with Jim Lee are really fucking kicking everything into high gear.

You definitely get the sense that Claremont is cognizant of impending finality of everything. There's a lot of call backs to the past and some dialog I meant to remember and quote here but then I got lazy and gizzard deep in bevos so you'll have to just read every god damn Uncanny X-Men comic like I fucking did and find the small pleasures and joy in picking up on these things yourselves. Christ it's not that hard, why don't you just do that, you'll fucking love it. Fucking X-Men.

Right, so Xavier is back with his team, altho it's changed quite a bit since he last fucked off the planet to hang out with his alien poontress Lilandra, back in issue, um, I dunno, two hundred and something. 200ish? Fuck it I can't remember. Wolverine and Storm are still there. Banshee is pretty fucking old school. Gambit is brand new and so is Jubilee. Forge is a douche bag but I think he met Xavier. I was actually a big fan of Mitbag because I bought his first appearance off the spinner rack and so I wanted him to be big since I had no ability to buy the first appearances of any of the other more established X-Mans as those issues were beyond the means by allowance afforded (of course now I have all their first appearances because I am a raging success in life, except X-Men #1 from 1963 but I'm not made out of money you know! I spend enough on comics, stop pressuring me!).

OK, not many more of these puppies left. Luckily (or, if you're my liver, unluckily), I'm not running out off beer any time soon. Hooray me right? (and fuck yourself, LIVER).