What we learn this issues besides that all the X-Men magics are gatherings.
NEW GUY FORGE IS MAGICAL BECAUSE HE IS A NATIVE AMERICAN. HE IS ALSO A ONE LEGGED CYBORG WITH A PORN-STACHE. COOL GUYS THESE X-MEN JV PLAYERS.
NIGHTCRAWLER’S GIRLFRIEND AND STEP SISTER (EW), AMANDA SEFTON, IS MAGICIAL BECAUSE SHE IS A GYPSY. THAT IS RACIST. THE PC TERM IS ROMANI, DISGUSTING, FLEA BITTEN, SCUM SUCKING, ROMANI.
ILLYANA RASPUTIN, COLOSSUS’ KID SISTER, IS MAGICAL BECAUSE SHE WAS ABDUCTED BY DEMONS AT THE AGE OF SEVEN AND APPRENTICE-RAPED FOR SIX YEARS IN THE HELLISH LIMBO DIMENSION. WELL AT LEAST YOU GOT A DOPE ASS SOUL SWORD OUT OF IT. SOME OF US DIDN’T GET EVEN THAT.
RACHEL SUMMERS OFFICIALLY JOINS THE X-BUMS. BOO.
OH YEAH, AND LEE FORRESTER AND HER SWARTHY COMPANION, PAOLO, FISH A SEMI-COMATOSE MAGNETBALLS OUT OF THE FUGGIN OCEAN. WE MISSED YOU MAGGSIEDOODLE.
There are three parts to this tale of X-Humps. The first is mopping up the Dire Wrapes of Wrath left in 555 Eagle Plaza, home of Forge, the creepy mutant cyborg molester, I mean inventor. Because the Dyer Rathes are magical space aliens, all the X-Men supporting cast members with any magical abilities are called up off the bench and thrown into the fray. Nothing happens to any of them and it turns out all they had to do was kill the one bad guy on the roof that Storm forgot about. So Forge shoots it. With a gun. A very unmagical gun.
And Naze, who I don’t think ever got possessed or Dire Wraithafied but I didn't read it that closely so I'm not positive, overdosed on magic and was killed by some unnamed God like evil being that isn’t brought up again for the rest of the issue. So he's dead.
Wedged in between the two main storylines is an interlude in the Bermuda Triangle were Lee Forrester, famous fisherwoman and Cyclops’ sperm receptacle, rescues Magneto from being eaten by a great white shark. Her Mediterranean first mate, Paolo, may or may not be poking her.
Anyway, Magnus of Magnetown is back. Can’t wait.
Then there’s some boring whiney shit where Rachel Summers cries and tells everyone how shitty it is in the future, where the X-Manse is blowed up, Xavier is shot to pieces and the rest of the X-Men who aren’t killed get rounded up into concentration camps. It’s cool to see X-Men slaughtered and the Days of Future Past is a dope storyline, but this shit drags. Not to mention the irreparable damage this whole thing does to the continuity.
NEW GUY FORGE IS MAGICAL BECAUSE HE IS A NATIVE AMERICAN. HE IS ALSO A ONE LEGGED CYBORG WITH A PORN-STACHE. COOL GUYS THESE X-MEN JV PLAYERS.
NIGHTCRAWLER’S GIRLFRIEND AND STEP SISTER (EW), AMANDA SEFTON, IS MAGICIAL BECAUSE SHE IS A GYPSY. THAT IS RACIST. THE PC TERM IS ROMANI, DISGUSTING, FLEA BITTEN, SCUM SUCKING, ROMANI.
ILLYANA RASPUTIN, COLOSSUS’ KID SISTER, IS MAGICAL BECAUSE SHE WAS ABDUCTED BY DEMONS AT THE AGE OF SEVEN AND APPRENTICE-RAPED FOR SIX YEARS IN THE HELLISH LIMBO DIMENSION. WELL AT LEAST YOU GOT A DOPE ASS SOUL SWORD OUT OF IT. SOME OF US DIDN’T GET EVEN THAT.
RACHEL SUMMERS OFFICIALLY JOINS THE X-BUMS. BOO.
OH YEAH, AND LEE FORRESTER AND HER SWARTHY COMPANION, PAOLO, FISH A SEMI-COMATOSE MAGNETBALLS OUT OF THE FUGGIN OCEAN. WE MISSED YOU MAGGSIEDOODLE.
There are three parts to this tale of X-Humps. The first is mopping up the Dire Wrapes of Wrath left in 555 Eagle Plaza, home of Forge, the creepy mutant cyborg molester, I mean inventor. Because the Dyer Rathes are magical space aliens, all the X-Men supporting cast members with any magical abilities are called up off the bench and thrown into the fray. Nothing happens to any of them and it turns out all they had to do was kill the one bad guy on the roof that Storm forgot about. So Forge shoots it. With a gun. A very unmagical gun.
And Naze, who I don’t think ever got possessed or Dire Wraithafied but I didn't read it that closely so I'm not positive, overdosed on magic and was killed by some unnamed God like evil being that isn’t brought up again for the rest of the issue. So he's dead.
Wedged in between the two main storylines is an interlude in the Bermuda Triangle were Lee Forrester, famous fisherwoman and Cyclops’ sperm receptacle, rescues Magneto from being eaten by a great white shark. Her Mediterranean first mate, Paolo, may or may not be poking her.
Anyway, Magnus of Magnetown is back. Can’t wait.
Then there’s some boring whiney shit where Rachel Summers cries and tells everyone how shitty it is in the future, where the X-Manse is blowed up, Xavier is shot to pieces and the rest of the X-Men who aren’t killed get rounded up into concentration camps. It’s cool to see X-Men slaughtered and the Days of Future Past is a dope storyline, but this shit drags. Not to mention the irreparable damage this whole thing does to the continuity.
(That should read "YOU'RE so old and dead and bald" - Oops).
And then there bullshit with fucking Nightcawler growing a vagina. Oh boo hoo, the humans are so mean, I don't want to be an X-Man anymore.
Next issue, a longshoreman finds some pretty jewelry. In a fish. And the jewelry is FABULOUS!
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