KULAN GATH IS THE MASTER OF THE DARK RUNES. SO WHO MASTERS THE LIGHT RUNES? JUST GET HIM TO GO KICK THIS TWAT'S ASS.
KULAN GATH IS STILL A ROTTEN FUCKER. HE'S KILLING AND TORTURING THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYONE.
THE HELPFUL ARCHIVIST SAYS: "KULAN GATH WAS AN APPRENTICE TO THE LORD OF THE BLACK RING, THE ARCHMAGE, THOTH-AMON. BUT HE WAS FORCED TO FLEE STYGIA AFTER BEING CAUGHT PRACTICING MAGIKS THAT EVEN THE SONS OF SET CONSIDER ABOMINABLE." THANKS FOR THAT YOU HELPFUL FUCKING ARCHIVIST!
VISION, THE ROWBIT AVENGER, TOTALLY EXPLODES COLOSSUS TO PIECES!
A BUNCH OF OTHER X-MEN AND AVENGERS DIE IN CONAN WORLD.
ALSO FUCKIN SPIDER-MAN IS JESUS CHRIST!
DOC FUCKIN STRANGE SHOWS UP TO TAKE EVERYONE TO HIS STANKUM STANKONIA DURING A TEMPORALSPATIAL CLAUDICATION. OH STEPHEN, YOU NUT.
This whole conan two-parter is basically an oversized What if...? issue, because everything gets put right back to normal at the end and there are no consequences to what happened and just about everyone but a couple of superheroes don't remember anything. Which is cool because you can kill all sorts of people and it's no big deal, but it's also lame because who cares what happens and what is this, some fuckin sitcom?
Although because of all the fucking with the spacetime continuum and what not, some fucking pink rowbit named Nimrod shows up at the very end (no really!) saves the longshoreman from dying and the amulet from being used and Kulan Gath and the whole spell, BUT, this rowbit is super powerful and loves killing mutants. Man that's dicked up.
Also look at this, a woman with no mouth and tentacles for arms. I don't know if this is from japanese porno cartoons or what but this won't be the last time Claremont pulls this weird shit out.
Illyana Rasputin pretty much saves the day. Selene was being evil the whole time (der) and Magik's magiks fucks her shit up. Her magik sword is made of fuck so it will shit and you can taste it. Uh, what?
Ripping off Star Wars is no big deal but this is pretty blatant. Hey, how do we get around these guards? Well I saw this shit work in a movie, let's try that! OK, great job, high fives for friends!
OK, no more conans, let's see whats next!
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