X-Men 203: CROTCHLOADS

What we learn this issue besides that Rogue's hairdo for some reason changed from Paulie Walnuts to Pepe Le Pew.

ROGUE HATES SAN FRANCISCO. BUT SHE APPARENTLY LOVES GUM.

KITTY PRYDE IS WEARIING ARMOR AND WIELDS SOUL CALIBER. IT IS ASSUMED THAT MEANWHILE HER SOUL STILL BURNS.

WOLVERINE HAS BECOME A FAN FAVORITE X-MAN. GEE I WONDER WHY.

IT IS BECAUSE HE IS A TOTAL BAD ASS, OBVIOUSLY.

EVERYONE HAS A MULLET.

STORM STILL BLOWS.

UATU THE WATCHER IS A FAT MOON DWELLING FUCK.
MORE CHINS THAN A CHINESE PHONEBOOK, AMIRITE?

THE STARJAMMERS STILL DRESS LIKE TOTAL SPACE FAGS.

THE PHOENIX FORCE IS FELLING A LITTLE BLOATED.

THE BEYONDER IS STILL A TOTAL PUSSY.

This wasn't necessarily a bad issue, but it definitely was a boring one. Besides the flashback of Rogue fighting the original Ms Marvel, there is zero fighting in the book. It's all a bunch off talk about life. And the totality of the universe. And how each living being is a special special candle whose flame should never be extinguished.

There really is a fuck ton of text involving candles as lives metaphors. And the Bryonder doesn't understand humans or the rest of the universe. And the word TOTALITY is used a few more times. It's vintage Claremont and I can't say it isn't corny and doesn't over use the word totality (Claremont loves this word like a pedo loves the boy scouts) but it's still pretty heady stuff, and any existential ruminations or metaphysical quandries found in the BAM BIFF POW - HEY KIDS COMICS! era is admirable.

Anyway, Rachel Summers sorbs up all the X-Bag's life forces and goes to take down the Beyonder once and for all. But that would mean destroying the universe. So, um, obviously Rachel doesn't do it, because, um, well duh. Then everyone stands around talks about why living is good and why killing the universe is a bad idea.

Then they all go out of ice cream! Yea! Who wants ice CREAM!

Actually the events are supposedly concluded in Secret Wars II, but I'll be dipped in doo doo before I track down that piece of shit miniseries. So who knows what happens to the douche bag Beyonder. Its not even worth looking up on Wikipedia. What a seriously terrible idea that guy was.

OK, time for watch more Wire. THE GAME IS THE GAME. GOT THAT PANDEMIC. BALMER MARELYN IS A REAL FUCKING SHIT HOLE!