X-Men 148: does little baby mutant want it's bottle?

WHAT WE LEARNED THIS ISSUE:

BANSHEE CAN'T KEEP TRACK OF ALL HIS ERRANT SPERMS

DAZZLER: THE FEMALE KENNY LOGGINS

ANGEL QUIT. GOOD RIDDANCE. HOW USELESS IS THAT GUY, HONESTLY? OOH, YOU FLY? BIG DEAL, I HAVE A REVOLVER. NOW YOURE DEAD. NICE WORK MR FLYING SUPERHERO FAGGOT.

OH GREAT, FUGGIN MAGNETARD IS BACK

LOOKS LIKE DAZZLER OVERDID THE BOTOX A LITTLE IN MY DEPICTION, EH? YIKES

yet another pointless recap: This issue was not unlike a hearty helping of warmed-over poop soup. The main story follows Storm, Kitty Pryde, Stevie Hunter (Claremont is really pushing Kitty's useless dance instructor on us for some reason) and Spider-Woman (who is guest starring presumably because lazy Claremont was concurrently writing her title as well) on a girls night out to see fuckin Dazzler.

At the night club INFINITY, which let 13.5 year old Kitty Pryde in for some reason, they are attacked by mutant loser freak Caliban. I actually like his power, to feed off and grow stronger on other people's fear of his grotesque appearance, but the plot line goes now where. Caliban tries to abduct Kitty, is stopped by team girl squad and then everyone goes home.

Over in the b-storyline, Lee Forrester and Cyclops dick around in some weirdo alien city that popped up out of no where until we see that it's the new secret lair of ole magnet balls himself (CLIFFHANGER YALL).

Also in the issue Angel quits (ostensibly because he doesn't like Wolverine, but probably it's because his character sucks and Claremont wanted to get rid of his lame ass) and Banshee finds out he has a daughter, even though it's years before his daughter is featured in the comic book in any meaningful way. Wolverine and Nightcrawler also hang out and we see Colossus' toddler aged sister visited from Russia. At least we'll see Illyana again in the not too distant future.

Ok, see you in hell worthless place holder. This issue and next are pretty much just there to take up space before the big Magno-X-Farts battle in double sized issue 150. MOVING ON...

X-MEN 114: DESOLATION - de act uv solating

Just like what the X-Mawns might be suffering: defeat - de tings on de end of de ankles.

Before we continue, I'd like to address the question that I often ask myself: Why the fuck am I doing this? If a bigger exercise in pathetic futility exists then I've not yet countenanced it. I can't possibly conjure any reasonable answer, so I'll just let let Phil, Gus and Ralph speak for me, in words more expertly chosen than I could have come up with on my own.



you have to wait until about the 9 minute mark. but once you have, it begs the question, why the fuck not? and of course there is no answer to that imponderable. the entire raison detre is itself. also I'm drunk and bored.

ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, THE BEAST IS CARRYING AN UNCONSCIOUS PHOENIX THROUGH AN ANTARCTIC BLIZZARD.

SHIT.

BUT OF COURSE THEY DONT DIE, A FUCKING HELICOPTER THAT SHOULD NEVER IN EIGHT HUNDRED BILLION YEARS BE IN ANTARCTICA RESCUES THEM.

whatever, enough off them. back to the x-gashes who all we think are all dead. THEY ARE NOT DEAD!

WHA?

thats right they battled their way out of the molten MAGMA and are now in the SAVAGE (THAT ASS) LAND. the savageland is a tropical rain forest replete with dinos and such from the jurassic age anachronistically left over due to geo-thermal volcanic activity that heats the entire zone.

OK WHATEVER. The second half of the book is the x-poos fighting nasty dinozards and xavier feeling so sorry for his dead pupils but then the x-butts find they are FACE TO FACE WITH THE DEADLY VAMPIRE PTERODACTYL NAMED SAURON and the book ends on a cliffhanger.

Oh shit i need to include a yonder cartoon.

You see those are lines from the movie FULL METAL JACKET and often i am distracted by thoughts of movies of tremendous renowned such as those. Also I sometimes spend over half an hour on youtube listenign clips i found after typing in FAITH NO MORE LIVE into the search the box. so you see i live a charmed life.

also of note:

- wolverine wrecks house once again, i mean like every panel he is in he dominates. its tought to think that claremont and byrne knew they had a future multi million dollar property on their hands but they sure had great prescience if they didn't.

- cyclops shaves himself a pr0n stache at one point and thats how i drew him up there

- there is a quite exquisite panel of jean grey holding xavier's hand while they morn the x-men's (supposed) death in the x-mansion thats is drawn beautifully by bynre with the cross hatched shadow of the window blinds falling on both of them. it's really nice if i do say so.

- storm's got some tig ole biddies yes she does!

ok i think thats it. sauron v the x-hogs next round i think is up. now i'll fix myself another tasty libation yes? ok well not so tasty, but it will still meet the requirement of containing that sweet sweet booze i crave so bad.

the end.