Monday, November 9, 2009

Giant-Size X-Men #1 the return

You couldn't click on the parody cover in the last post to make it bigger so I'm reposting so you can. Hopefully. And if it doesn't work this time, well, who fucking cares. I also changed my mind and decided a re-cap is called for. So here is the short, short version of Giant Size Dong Bags #1:


The relaunch of Marvel's team of mutant super heroes starts with Professor X traipsing about the globe, convincing 4 brand new characters (Storm, Colossus, Nightcrawler and Thunderbird), and 3 preexisting bit characters (Banshee, Sunfire and Wolverine) to join the X-men. Cyclops is then enters and explains what happened to the rest of the original X-Bags, (Marvel Girl, Iceman, Beast, Angel, Polaris and Havoc). They were kidnapped! Or something, Cyclops can't really remember. They then go back to tropical island where Cyclops last remembers the team being and are immediately attacked by the island (in the form of avalanches, murderous growing vines, giant crabs and other totally normal stuff you find on any old tropical island), so the readers can get acquainted with each new characters' personalities and powers. Finally it is revealed that the island is one big giant mutant and its feeding off the old X-Men. The mutant-island also has the power to give Cylops amnesia and cut him loose, hoping he'd bring back more mutants for him to eat, which like a dummy he does. For some reason the island mutant can't just K.O. this new team like he did the old one and then somehow the X-men launch the island mutant into space and then fly home as champions.

And thats how you get 13 fuggin X-men!

Shit, that still took longer than I expected. Ok, nothing really worth adding. Now lets find out what the fuck happens in X-Balls 94!

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