X-Men 158: The Gyne that Late Hath Bled...

WHAT WE LEARN IN YET ANOTHER ISSUE'S WHOSE TITLE IS TAKEN FROM FUGGIN SHAGSBERE:

APPARENTLY FROM TAMING OF THE SHREW (AKA PUTTING THE CUNT IN HER PLACE) ONE OF THE MOST RIDICULOUSLY MISOGYNISTIC PIECES OF CRAP EVER WRITTEN. AND DON'T GIVE ME THAT "IT WAS A PRODUCT OF IT'S ERA" BULLSHIT. WE DON'T CELEBRATE OLD STORIES OF KEEPING SLAVES IN LINE. SHAXSPEER FUCKED IT UP, DONT GIVE HIM A PASS, FUCK HIM IN HIS DAINTY FOP, I SAY.

RAZA THE STAR/BUTTJAMMER TALKS FUNNY: "EASY FOR THOU TO SAY, LUMMOX."

WHAT THE FUCK IS A LUMMOX?

DAVE COCKRUM NEEDS A BETTER REFERENCE PICTURE OF THE PENTAGON CAUSE WHAT HE DREW IS TOTALLY FUCKED.

ORACLE, A PSYCHIC ALIEN, INVADES XAVIER'S FUCKED UP HEAD TO DISASTROUS RESULTS: "IN AN INSTANT, SHE DIES A THOUSAND GRUESOME DEATHS, VICTIM OF A SAVAGE CONFLICT BEING WAGED WITHIN XAVIER'S BRAIN."

SHIT, I HATE DYING A THOUSAND GRUESOME DEATHS!

THAT ASSHOLE DR CORBEAU IS STILL AROUND GOD DAMN IT.

OH NO, THE GOVERNMENT HAS FILES ON THE X-MEN THAT COMPROMISES THEIR SECURITY, WHAT DO WE DO? KITTY PRYDE'S SOLUTION: "WE SIMPLY DESIGN AN OPEN-ENDED VIRUS PROGRAM TO ERASE ANY AND ALL REFERENCES TO THE X-MEN AND PLUG IT INTO A CENTRAL DATA BANK. FROM THERE IT'LL INFECT THE ENTIRE SYSTEM IN NO TIME."

THAT'S ALMOST AS FUCKINGS DUMB AS THE ENDING TO THE MOVIE INDEPENDENCE DAY, KITTY PRYDE. ALMOST.

ROGUE SHOWS UP IN UNCANNY X-MEN FOR THE FIRST TIME, AND SHE IS NOTHING LIKE THE LOVABLE SEXY SOUTHERN SCAMP WE'VE ALL COME TO KNOW SO WELL (I.E. JAGOV OFF TO).

ALSO ROGUE'S SEXY BLUE SKINNED STEPMOM, MYSTIQUE, APPEARS AS WELL.

The actual title, "The life that late I led..." actually makes sense for once, because this issue is all about the X-Men examining their identities and the series as a whole taking stock of it's current situation. Pretty soon Claremont will start delving into some serious character development and move the X-Men further and further away from a traditional super hero team book. Overall this is a pretty solid transition issue.

As mentioned Rogue shows up with Mystique, who are both villains here, and they throw down with a few of the X-Men and Carol Danvers, a character Claremont is creepily obsessed with. Carol Danver's super hero name is Ms. Marvel, and Claremont wrote her solo comic book until Marvel canceled it, so Claremont just started writing Danvers in the comic he was doing that WAS selling well. It worked ok but was more annoying than anything.

In this issue Danvers comes to grip with losing her powers and memories to Rogue, who has the ability to steal people's, uh, powers and memories... ANYWAY, you'd think this would be a perfect time to write this character into oblivion, and that's what it seems Claremont was doing here, but instead, her dumb ass continues to show up periodically the in the pages of Uncanny X-Men for the next 10 years. It's like a god damn fetish with this guy Claremont.

I do also want to point out, however, how awesome Claremont is in handling the character Rogue. You see this kind of character and super power created often, usually when a writer gets lazy and can't think of any cool new super powers. So the new character's power is... to, uh, take whatever power it is of the person they're fighting! Yeah, that's it. You see it all the time. But what Claremont does, from the very first appearances of Rogue, is make this power a crippling disability. Sure, you can absorb the strength of the Hulk, but you also gain parts of his psyche, warts and all. And so every time you fight for your life (which is a lot when you're a comic book super hero) you have to absorb bits of other peoples minds and personalities, which, as you can imagine, would probably fuck you up something fierce.

In the hands of lesser writers, Rogue would just be an "equalizer", someone who, when the X-Men are getting outmatched, can just steal the bad guy heavy's power and swing the tide in the X-Men's favor. But Claremont doesn't take the easy way out. Instead of using the "and she also gains her opponents mental ability" as a cheat so Rogue can just be assumed to know how to affectively use whatever powers she's just absorbed, Claremont flips that shit and makes it her curse.

And I could probably write some more about that like a giant fucking nerd and some other funny shit that was in this issue but it's already fucking late and the god damn piece of shit Mets are in extra innings again and why the fuck do I even follow those assholes anymore.

Oh fuck my balls.