Monday, July 5, 2010

X-Men 149: And the BREAD shall CARRY the LIVER! y'know, like a liver sandwich. yum!

WHAT WE LEARNED THIS ISSUE:

WOLVERINE MAKES THE MOST AWESOME STATEMENT IN HISTORY: "WHEN IT COMES TO THE IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE - NAMELY BREW AND BROADS - I AM VERY PRECISE." FUCK YEAH, DUDE.

WOLVERINE IS NEVER NOT DRINKING BEER

WOLVERINE FUCKING OWNS

THAT'S A SWEET COSTUME KITTY, JUST LIKE I'M SURE THE BOX IN YOUR UNDERWEAR DRAW IS FULL OF OREGENO

sigh.... recap time: Gangway for a another runaway avalanche of crap, from out the anus of comic royalty it squirts.

This issue is interesting because Kitty takes upon her self (stoned out of her gourd no doubt) to start wearing a new costume of her own design. Quite literally, it sucks on skates. I like the idea though, the concept that Kitty is so young and impetuous that she'd do something like this and because she's a no-nothing thirteen year old brat, this is her idea of good taste. Plus, as they point out in the book, its not that impractical to wear roller skates all the time if you can alternatively float through the air over rocky terrain.

Anyway, Xavier sends the X-Men to Magneto's old layer on the volcano (remember that one? Magnaman took they X-Fellas there in a floating carnival trailer because comic books are fucking insane), where they are attacked by Garokk, that stupid asshole from the Savage Land who is for some unknown reason, now commanded by Magento to protect his old base from intruders.

It's fucking stupid and Garokk is a total dipshit and nothing like he was when he last appeared in these pages. The whole point of this issue is for Kitty to stow away on the Blackbird SR-71 so she could be part of the mission and for the other X-Men, especially that wet blanket Storm, to be super mad at her but in the end Kitty Pryde, er, I mean 7-Up, er, I mean SPRITE, ends up saving the day. Great, so they lesson is always take 13 year old girls with you on deadly super hero missions.

Now that that piece of excrement is over with we can finally fight fucking Magneto and hopefully not suck nearly as hard as these last few issues.

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