X-Men 162: Beyonce the Farting Star!

WHAT WE DISCOVER BEYOND THE FARTHEST GOD DAMN STAR IN THE FRIGGIN UNIVERSE:

FIRST PERSON NARRATION BY WOLVERINE IS PRETTY DOPE. YOU MAY BE ON TO SOMETHING HERE, CLAREMONT.

DEATHBIRD LAID A STASIS BOMB ON THE X-MENS ASSES AND FUCKED THEM ALL UP. AH SHIT! I FUCKING HATE STASIS BOMBS!

ALL OF THE X-CHODES, INCLUDING WOLVERINE, HAVE BEEN INFECTED BY THE QUEEN BROOD ALIEN AND WILL TURN INTO ALIENS UNLESS THEY CAN FIGURE A WAY TO STOP THE TRANSFORMATION. HEY THAT SOUNDS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE A MOVIE THAT CAME OUT 4 YEARS AFTER THIS COMIC DID, PROBABLY BECAUSE JAMES CAMERON IS AN UNORIGINAL BASTARD NOT UNLIKE TOLL BOOTH WILLIE'S TORMENTORS.

CLAREMONT HAS EVERY CHARACTER CALL THE BROOD, 'SLEAZOIDS'. WOOF!

WOLVERINE IS THE BEST AT WHAT HE DOES... BUT WHAT HE DOES BEST, ISN'T VERY NICE. AH DUH HICKEY, TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW WHY DON'T YOU?

AWESOME WOLVERINE QUOTE: "I REMEMBER MY HALLUCINATION ABOUT KILLING KITTY. IF I HAVE TO - IF SHE CAN'T BE CURED - I'LL DO IT. I'LL... KILL THEM ALL. MY FRIENDS." HEY, WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE, RIGHT? RIGHT? AMIRIGHT?

TERRIBLE WOLVERINE QUOTE: "WHEN YOU'RE COMDEMNED TO HELL, DOES IT REALLY MATTER WHETHER THE FLAMES THAT BURN YOU ARE A MILLION DEGREES HOT OR A BILLION? EITHER WAY, IT HURTS." GOOD POINT, DIPSHIT.

WOLVERINE QUOTE THAT SOUNDS LIKE A TYPICAL EXCUSE TO BINGE DRINK: "AGAIN, AGONY... BURNING, GROWING WITHIN ME, CORRUPTING MY BODY, MURDERING ME. I'VE BEEN WOUNDED - TOO OFTEN TO COUNT - BUT I'VE NEVER ENDURED ANYTHING EQUAL TO THIS. I HUNGER FOR OBLIVION - ANYTHING TO TAKE THE PAIN AWAY - BUT THAT RELEASE IS DENIED ME." BOTTOMS UP!

I THOUGHT I HAD TO TAKE A NASTY DUMP ONCE BUT IT TURNED OUT TO JUST BE A LONG PEE AND A BIG FART.

I wasn't too keen on this issue at first but it definitely grew on me. Most of it was just taking the Wolverine dialog at face value. As long as you don't expect too much from it, enjoy the camp, comic book qualities, while still appreciating the fact that Wolverine is a crazy berserker son of a bitch who knows that he'll kill all these aliens and stab his friends and team mates to death with his razor sharp fucking claws if he has to, its pretty damn cool.

And Wolverine's perspective is always fun, especially since this was before overexposure completely ruined his character. A whole comic devoted to Wolverine was a rare treat back then. Not like now, where they made him join the Avengers. THE MOTHERFUCKING AVENEGERS. That is so incredibly fucked I don't even know where to begin.

Anyways, Wolverine's healing factor killed the Brood infestation in him and know he's got to rescue the rest of the X-Men, who are all being held captive by the Brood up in their giant floating dead bug space station. ALIENS AND SPACE AND ADAMANDTIUM CLAWS, WHOOPEE!

Now I gotta go see about the shit that is perhaps just more pee and farts.