X-Men 168: PROFESSOR XAVIER IS A JERK(OFF)!

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY FROM THAT FUGGIN JAGOV XAVIER:

KITTY WANTS A BLOODBATH!

DAMN KITTY LOOKED SO GOOD IN THIS ISSUE, IF SHE WEREN'T 14 AND COLOSSUS WASN'T ALREADY TAPPIN THAT ASS I'D BE ALL UP IN THAT SHIT. I'D BE LIKE, WHAT'S UP BABY CAN GET SOME FRIES WITH THAT SHAKE SWEET THANG. THEN I'D SLIDE MY BONE ROD UP IN HER SHE CAVE AND GET MY SPERMS ALL UP ON HER EGGS AND SHE'D HAVE TO GET A GAGORTION AND IT WOULD BE TRUE LOVE FOREVER.

HAH, NO THAT'S FUCKIN FUCKED UP. I'M NOT THAT KIND OF DEGENERATE INTERNET FREAKSHOW, I SWEAR!

THIS ISSUE IS ALL ABOUT BONING THOUGH. CHECK IT OUT:

• XAVIER BONES LILANDRA
• CYCLOPS PORKS LEE FORRESTER
• KNIGHTCRAWLER PLOWS AMANDA SEFTON, THE BLONDE(!) GYPSY STEP-SISTER SORCERESS
• AND STORMS SUCKS THE METAPHORICAL TEAT OF MOTHER NATURE, BECAUSE SHE'S ALL ABOUT THAT SHIT

LOCKHEED THE DRAGON AND KITTY'S FAMILIAR IS FINALLY NAMED AND MADE PART OF THE TEAM. HE HAS A WRY SENSE OF HUMOR AND WHEN A SIDRI ALIEN SHOOTS AN ENERGY BEAM AT HIM, HE "RESPONDS IN KIND" (CLAREMONT LOVES THAT FUCKING PHRASE)

SO NOW KITTY HAS SOME GOD DAMN FIRE POWER DURING BATTLES

AND MADELINE PRYOR IS INTRODUCED IN THE LAST PAGE, WHOSE HISTORY AND STORYLINE IS SO FUCKED UP AND CONVOLUTED I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO BEGIN TO EXPLAIN IT. LONG STORY SHORT, SHES A FAKE JEAN GREY AND CYCLOPS IS GOING TO ONE DAY PLOW HER FERTILE VAGINAL SOIL ONE DAY AS WELL.

OH YEAH AND KITTY IS PISSED BECAUSE XAVIER WANTS TO DEMOTE HER TO THE NEWD MUTAINTS AND SHE WANTS TO STAY ON THE X-MEN. HERE IS THE FIRST PANEL OF THE ISSUE, ONE OF THE MOST FAMOUS SPLASH PAGES IN X-MEN HISTORY, LOVING RECREATED BY ME:

Before we talk anymore about this issue can I just say that A Few Good Men is a great flick and is worth watching just about anytime it comes up on but I think it's responsible for everyone thinking court rooms are exciting and now all sorts of fucking movies come out where lawyers are all yelling and being dramatic and its fucking bullshit. i havent been in that many court rooms myself, but every time i have its quiet, boring and fucking depressing. you cant yell in the court room, the judge would fuck your shit right up. theres like 5 or 6 serious shouting matches in A Few Good Men. it makes for a good movie, but come on, the judge runs the court room and the lawyers are little scum sucking peons that are constantly sucking up to the robe and if they lose the case or whatever, fuck it, theyre getting paid and they move on to the next client. no lawyers actually give a shit about their client.

so what i'm saying is there needs to be dramas based on the judges point of view and I WANT MORE NIGHT COURT RERUNS. which also has the best use of a wood block in a tv theme song ever. im pretty sure thats an indisputable fact.

ok so this is the first issue of the "From the Ashes" 9 issue arc that is collected in trade paperback and, along with the Dark Phoenix Saga, is the most famous parts of Claremont's run. They both have amazing artwork and great storylines and character development to do along with dope ass action scenes. Its how most people who started reading the x-men in the late 80's/90's (ie me) were able to cheaply read some x-men pack story.

and i dont feel like recapping it anymore. i will say that claremont begins to throw the word "Yum" around with increasing frequency in his issues, which is his code word for the characters thinking "I've nothing but prurient thoughts in my head right now, lets shed are clothes and fuck immediately or at least masturbate together." but in a all ages comic book, "Yum!" is all you get.

Ok i got Maryland vs Duke football tickets, time to go tailgate and fuck those snobby butt rags straight to hell! TERPS TERPS TERPS TERPS TERPS TERPS TERPS TERPS!