what we learned this issue from young mutants in love!
THIS ISSUE IS ALL ABOUT SUCKING AND FUCKING (DIDN'T WE ALREADY DO ONE OF THESE?)
- SCOTT SUMMERS BONES MADELYNE PRYOR UP IN SPACE
- HEPZIPAH THE SPACE SKUNK LADY TALKS ABOUT BONING COSAIR, CYCLOPS' DAD (SHE SAYS "YUM!" SCOTT SAYS "BARF!")
- LILANDRA THE SPACE EMPRESS AND PROF CHARLIE XAVIER LAMENT THAT IT WILL BE DIFFICULT TO BONE WHEN THEYRE GALAXIES APART (YEAH NO SHIT)
- CYCLOPS AND MADELYNE BONE ONCE MORE IN SPACE
- MARIKO TELLS WOLVEROONIE THEY WILL BONE NONE MORE TIMES (PSST- DONT TAKE IT TOO HARD BRO, SHE'S UNDER MIND CONTROL)
- KITTY "JAILBAIT" PRYDE ATTEMPTS SEDUCE COLOSSUS AND THEY ALMOST BONE BEFORE BEING DISCOVERED BY LESBIAN STORM
- NIGHTCRAWLER'S STEPSISTER WITCH GIRLFRIEND SENDS HIM A STUFFED TOY LIKENESS OF HERSELF TO MASTURBATE TO UNTIL THEY CAN BONE TOGETHER AGAIN
- MADELYNE IS READY FOR SCOTT TO BONE HER ONCE MORE BUT HE FUCKS IT ALL UP BY ASKING HER IF SHE IS PHOENIX REINCARNATED (TOO BAD THEY ARE ALSO BOTH BEING MANIPULATED BY THE COCKBLOCKING, MINDCONTROLLING, ASSHOLE, MASTERMIND)
OH AND THAT STUPID BITCH BINARY SHOWS UP BUT NO ONE WANTS ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER DISEASED CUNNY.
AND FINALLY, ANOTHER ICONIC PAUL SMITH SCENE DEPICTING THE SWEET, SWEET FORBIDDEN FRUIT OF UNDERAGE POON-TANG:
Colossus and Kitty were a big time "will they or won't they" couple which most of the world should have been rooting against because Colossus is 19 and Kitty is 14 and that's jut too much. 35 and 30 obviously wouldn't be a big deal but we're talking about an age difference equal to over a third of Kitty's life. What the fuck, Claremont, just let one of the New Mutants plow her, what do you think they're there for?
Anyway, they finally make out in this issue. Whatever.
And some of the other other plot lines from previous issues are addressed or completely tied up for now (like Wolvie and his star crossed jap lover, Mariko, thank christ). There is also a rather clumsy recap of the Dark Phoenix saga because a return of the Phoenix force has been teased for a while now and the cliff hanger ends with Madelyne Pryor dressed up like Dark Phoenix and zapping the shit out of Cyclops. It's all just a red herring though, as (consider that shit spoiled already) it was all just Mastermind being a super mega robo jerk and aint none of that is real.
And Kitty gets all meta by reading an issue of Star Wars, which Marvel had the licence to at the time and it supposedly helped keep them out of bankruptcy. And all it took Marvel was a mere 30 years or so to realize they could increase they're company's value from approximately zero to $4 billion by making they're own Hollywood blockbusters. Must have been some real geniuses working there, let me tell you.
Next issue: NOT the Dark fuggin Phoenix but also a double sized extravabonanza! Also Paul Smith's last issue before a looooong run by shitty John Romita Jr. Boo.
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