What we learned this issue besides that Rogue is fucking mental.
HOLY SHIT, ROGUE IS FUCKING NUTS.
SHE IS THE ONLY X-LADYBOY FEATURED THIS WHOLE ISSUE AND SHE SPENDS THE WHOLE THING BABBLING TO HERSELF LIKE A WEIRDO OR LITERALLY FLIPPING BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES LIKE A GOD DAMN CRAZY PERSON.
THERE IS ALSO A BUNCH OF CRAZY SPY ESPIONAGE INTRIGUE LIKE ON THOSE SHOWS, ALIAS, OR UM, 24? OR... I DUNNO I DON'T WATCH ANY OF THOSE WACK ASS BULLSHIT SHOWS. WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, SOME FUCKIN BORING SHOW WATCHING MOTHERFUCKER?
SPEAKING OF WACK BULLSHIT, SEBASTIAN SHAW, THE BLACK KING (CODENAME ROYAL MIDNIGHT) HAS A MOLE WHO INFILTRATED THE S.H.E.I.L.D. HELICARRIER.
WHAT THE FUCK IS A S.H.E.I.L.D. HELLICARRIER, YOU ASK? TRY GOOGLE YOU LAZY SHIT.
ALSO, A ROYAL MIDNIGHT IS WHEN YOU PEE INTO A GIRL'S BUTT AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT. HAHA NOT REALLY, BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF THOSE FUCKING URBAN DICTIONARY THINGS, DOESN'T IT?
ANYWAY, SO THIS COLONEL ROSSI GUY IS GETTING FUCKED UP BY SHAW'S FLUNKIES WHEN ROGUE ENDS UP RESCUING HIM, BECAUSE CAROL DANVERS USED TO DATE FUCKIN ROSSI AND ROGUE PERMANENTLY ABSORBED CAROL DANVERS POWERS AND PERSONALITY BACK IN HER SUPER VILLAIN DAYS AND, WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK? COMICS ARE FUCKING RIDICULOUS.
AND AS YOU MIGHT GUESS, COLONEL MICHAEL ROSSI IS A LITTLE CONFLICTED ABOUT THE WHOLE SITUATION:
ALSO DON'T FORGET MR ROSSI-THE-WOPPY THAT ROGUE STILL SAVED YOUR BACON FROM THE EVIL S.H.I.E.L.D TRAITORS WHO WERE ABOUT TO CAP YOUR SORRY ASS BEFORE SCHIZO-ROGUE SHOWED UP. SO HOW BOUT SHOWING A LITTLE GRATITUDE YOU FUCKIN BITCH ASS AIR FORCE PILOTING BITCH.
I do have to admire Clare-mare's ambition with this issue. To totally ditch the rest of the team and focus on one of the newer characters and her split personality taken from a whole different comic book you used to write but most X-Men fans probably didn't read (like me) is a bold move. An even bolder move? Jax making out with his half sister, Trinity, in Sons of Anarchy. Wow! Is there any taboo that show won't cover? Actually this season hasn't been that great, so - BACK TO THE X-DONGS.
Or singular X-Dong as it were, who is Rogue, who does a few totally goofy things like rests on a cloud (impossible, clouds look like fog up close, not big puffy marshmallows) and throws a silver dollar (a Susan B. Anthony dollar to be exact. Subtle feminism, much?) that ricochets off a bunch of machines, destroying them all, which is also dumb because if she threw it with enough force to do damage it wouldn't bounce off shit it was just stay embedded or go right through.
THIS IS BASIC SCIENCE COMMON SENSE, DAMN IT.
Anyhow, the setting up of Shaw as a villain again is nice and adding S.H.I.E.L.D. into the mix is also welcome. The ending is a little weird, with Rossi saying he wants to fucking kill Rogue (who's invulnerable, so tough cookies, pal) and a sobbing Rogue/Carol Danvers saying she does to. Oh quit yer bitchin and suck it up. You have super powers. You can fly. Life's not all bad.
And then it ends with some foreshadowing of Colonel Nick fuckin Fury, the Chuck Norris but way cooler of Marvel Comics, swearing vengeance on Rogue (who he blames for one of his agent's, a traitorous agent I might add, death) and authorizing all of S.H.I.E.L.D. to take her down with DEADLY FORCE.
UH OH, YOU'VE STIRRED UP A HORNET'S NEXT NOW, SUGAH.
Also I like the old Nick Fury here, when he looked like Don Johnson, instead of Samuel Jackson. Does that make me a racist? YEP PROBABLY.
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