Monday, April 11, 2011

X-Men 186: LOAFDRECK

What we learn in this double-sized story of love and loads and landlubbers:

FORGE IS HOPING FOR SOME TRANSGENDERED FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE SYNDROME TO TAKE AFFECT ON STORM. WELL IT WORKED FOR MARTY MCFLY’S MOM. KIND OF.

FORGE IS STILL LIVING IN EAGLE PLOPZA IN PIECE OF SHIT DALLAS, TEXAS.
WAITER! WHAT IS THIS MUTANT AMPUTEE DOING IN MY PENTHOUSE APARTMENT POOL? WHY SIR, IT APPEARS TO BE THE BACKSTROKE. BA-DUM BUM CHISH!

THE EVIL PINK ALIEN ANTEATERS ARE HERE TO FUCK SHIT UP. AND PARTY. HEY BABY LOOSEN UP, I JUST WANT TO SUCK YOUR BRAIN OUT THROUGH MY STRAW LIKE PROBOSCIS. AINT NO BIG THANG, MAMA.

BEST SOUND AFFEECT OF THE ISSUE HEARD WHEN ROGUE KICKS AN EVIL PINK ALIEN ANTEATER: CHUNT!
VAL COOPER CAN’T DRIVE FOR SHIT. TYPICAL BROAD.

ROGUE HAS LATE NIGHT MUNCHIES.
STORM’S IDEA OF SLIPPING INTO SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE IS TO CHANGE INTO A PAIR OF OVERALLS WITH NO SHIRT OR BRA ON UNDERNEATH. UH, WHAT?

WHEN STORM FINDS OUT IT WAS FORGE WHO INVENTED THE NEUTRALIZER THAT ROBBED HER OF HER POWERS, SHE SAYS LALALA LA LA, YOU WILL NEVER GET THIS. THEN FORGE BREAK HIS CAGE, AND HE GET THIS.
Not only do we get bad artistry of bad ass atrist, Barry Windsor-Smith, but we get double the pages of BWS. BarWinSmith is one of those guys whose work is instantly recognizable. He doesn’t get too much action or scenery to indulge, since a lot of he pages are taken up by Strom and Forge talking about their feelings, but it’s pretty rad nonetheless.

Both the beginning and the end of this issue is protypical Claremont Emo X-Men. Storm and Forge both, like, you know, like each other. But they don’t know if, like, the other one likes them back. So, I dunno, if you, like, want to, you could, like, I dunno, kiss me?

And make out they do. With the passion of the passionate passionate Night Man. The dialogue between these two is either incredibly awkward or incredibly sweet. It’s probably more akward than anything, especially when Forge gets Storm try alcohol for the first time (date rape much?), but Storm dealing with losing her mutant powers carries a little more genuine pathos. I mean, how would you react if th twitch of a finger and the blast from a ray gun, someone wiped away everything you’ve ever used to define yourself? I meansides that you don’t have mutant powers and ray guns don’t exist. But if you think of it like you just lost a job you’ve had for most of your life and you found out the person you just developed a crush on is responsible. So yeah, emo X-Men.

And then there’s this stupid fucking exchange, where Claremont has one character insist that an innapropriate joke was made, when clearly nothing resembling a joke was said by anyone.

Forge: Be daring, take a risk. Who knows, you may even enjoy yourself.

Storm: I am doing that already.


Forge: Flattery m’dear, will get you everything.

Storm: Why do you joke, Forge? I would never make such fun of you.

What the fuck joke was that? THAT IS NO JOKE. No one is making fun of you Storm, you over sensitive twat.

And the fucking Dire Wraths, which is a pretty cool fucking name, are nasty motherfuckers and we can expect more nasty shit from those fuckers next issue.

1 comment:

  1. dude, i have this issue along with the some of the issues before before and after it and i'm a huge ROM fan. your review had me cracking up thanks for the laughs.

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