X-Men 259: Dream a Little Cream Dream Supreme

THE SUPER HIPSTER X-MEN ARE IN BOTH SOHO, NEW YORK CITY AND VENICE, CALIFORNIA. SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS... HEROIN AND BUTT PLUGS FOR EVERYONE!!!

 

I WONDER WHAT EL GUAPO HAS TO SAY ABOUT THE X-MEN HANGING OUT IN SUCH TRENDY NEIGHBORHOODS?

DON - YOU - EVER - DO DIS!

HEY BRO, NICE DICK.

YOU'RE ON WFAN, GO AHEAD CALLER.

YEAH HEY THIS IS MAGISTRATE FROM BAYONNE, I JUST WANTED TO TALK ABOUT  HOW MUCH AROD SUCKS.

HEY GUYS, I GOT THE MOVIE, GET THE REEL TO REEL READY SO WE CAN ALL JERK OFF!

SO GLAD I GREW UP AFTER THE INVENTION OF VCRS.

SO WHATS NEW AT MUIR ISLAND? STILL INFESTED WITH FORGE, HUH? WELL THAT BLOWS.

WHAT IS THIS, MULHOLLAND DRIVE OR GLENGARRY GLEN FUCKIN ROSS?

HEY NERD, PLAY BAKER STREET OR FUCK RIGHT OFF.

BETTER YOUR PIECE THEN YOUR COCK, RIGHT BUDDY? HEH HEH HEH HEH.

ZARK.

THIS WAS JUST AN AD IN THE COMIC BUT IT IS SO GREAT I INCLUDED IT ANYWAY.

I LOVE YOU ROBOCOP.

We haven't seen what happened to Colossus or Dazzler since they waltzed thru the Siege Perilous aka the Magic Mirror of Plot Generation. Clossus wakes up butt ass naked (Terminator reference?) in some Soho apartment that is also inhabited by those kids from Genosha. Remember those fuckers? Eh, whatever.

Anyway, there is a fight with some Genoshan bad guys and Colossus and the good Genoshans win.... for now. Except Colossus has amnesia and doesn't know that he has awesome mutant powers. So he just draws a bunch of pictures like a true jagov.

Dazzler wakes up, also with amnesia, on some private SoCal beach owned by her ex-bandmate, Lila Cheney (btw, Dazzler was in a band with Lila Cheney). By the way, Claremont, there are no private beaches in California.

There's also some shit about Dazzler the movie and some dipshit named Fred. Dazzler was in, like, 50 solo issues of Dazzler, the Comic Book, that weren't written by Claremont so I don't really know whats going on but who gives a shit. Claremont tries to keep us informed but, eh, whatever. Also there is a nice early appearance of Lila Cheney's bouncer, Gudio, later to be known as Strong Guy, and look and act totally different in Peter David's very excellent run in X-Factor.

We also check in on Muir island and things are still fucked and Forge is still a moldy butt cake. I think the Muir Island stuff was supposed to be some big over arching plot that would run in the background and all come to a head in issue 300. Except editorially mandated cross overs and Claremont quitting about 20 issues before that put the kibosh on that plan.

Did I just use the word kibosh? Fuck.

Anyway, Genoshan dickheads and some spaz named Larry Beale swear revenge on Colossus and Dazzler respectively. So I guess that's happening next.