X-Men Annual 7: Scavanger Lou Scunt

What we learn this issue besides that it's assistant editor's month.

Assistant editor's month meant the real editors were at the San Diego Comic Con, which before Spider-Man the movie didn't really mean much, so all the assistants were nominally in charge and all the stories tended to be a lot wackier. And also shittier. This one is definitely shitty.

Also I don't have a scan of it, so enjoy a return of the hand drawn MS Paint recreation. This may be my most wholesome cartoon yet.

Awww... baseball is so... traditional. It's also nice to see an artist that actually knows what baseball players look like when the play, unlike that whatshisface a whole bunch of issues ago.

FUCKING ANYWAY.

IMPOSIBLE MAN SHOWS UP PRETENDING TO BE GALACTUS AND STEALS THE X-MANSION.

THE X-MEN GIVE CHASE AND THEN IMPOSSIBLE MAN STEALS SOME OTHER SHIT IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE.

LIKE NICK FURY'S EYEPATCH.

AND DOCTOR STRANGE'S BALLS OF AGAMOTO.

AND THE THING'S BIG ORANGE ROCKY DONG.

AND SOME OTHER SHIT, WHO CARES, NONE OF THIS SHIT MATTERS.

THEN THEY FUCK UP THE MARVEL OFFICES TO GIVE THESE JAGOVS A CHANCE TO DRAW THEMSELVES AND THEIR FRIENDS IN THE COMICS. OOOH, FUCKIN META BEFORE META WAS PASSE. CONGRATS YOU POST MODERN MOTHERFUCKERS.

THEN IT ENDS IN A MASSIVE DEUS EX MACHINA. MORE IMPORTANTLY THERE ARE TWO CONSECUTIVE PANELS WHERE KITTY PRYDE BLOWS A DILDO AND THEN TOM SELLECK SHOWS UP. DON'T FUCKING BELIEVE ME?

SEE? I TOOK THAT PICTURE WITH MY CRAPPY CELL PHONE JUST TO PROVE IT. FUCKING RIDICULOUS.

ALSO, LOOKS LIKE THE ARTIST MADE A GREAT, SELLECK-TION, DIDN'T HE?

HAHAHAH, FAVORITE JOKE EVER.

This issue wasn't completely devoid of entertainment, besides Kitty Pryde sucking a big phallic freeze pop. For instance, Colossus and Rogue fuck up She-Hulk and Iron Man pretty well. I always enjoy watching the X-Men beat up other super heroes. I'm a big stupid dork that way.

But most importantly, I've uploaded the panel of Kitty Pryde blowing an ice cream dong on to the internebs for the rest of eternity. So congratulations to me and all future generations who will enjoy the fruits of my labors.

Oh and the pencils are by Michael Golden and so it rocks, especially when inked by masters like Terry Austin, but not so much when scrubs like Joe Rubinstein do the finishes. Oh well, we can't all be master chiefs like me when I play Halo and kill the Flood and save the god damned universe, can we?