What we learned this issue besides that Wolverine needs to start learning those new fancy forms of birth control, like pulling out.
THE COVER OF THIS ISSUE IS TOTALLY FUCKING BAD ASS. LOOK AT THE FUCKING COVER. JUST LOOK AT IT.
RACHEL "PHOETUS" SUMMERS IS STILL MISSING. HOORAY! BUT ROGUE IS STILL LOOKING FOR HER. BOO! BUT ROGUE IS A DITZY BROAD AND GETS SIDETRACKED BY A SHOPPING TRIP TO BLOOMIES AND A STOP AT THE MAKE UP COUNTER. I'M NOT EVEN JOKING, LOOK!
DAZZLER, LAST SEEN IN THE PAGES OF THIS COMIC MAGAZINE DURING THE DARK FETUS SAGA, IS MUSICIAN IN LILA CHENEY'S BAND. A BAND FULL OF HOT MUTANT BABES AND A FEW DUDES. KIND OF LIKE S CLUB 7!
KITTY IS STILL TOTALLY CREAMING OVER COLOSSUS.
THE HELLFIRE CLUB OFFERS MAGNETOE A SPOT IN THEIR INNER CIRCLE OF EVIL MUTANTS AND HE'S ALL LIKE, I'LL THINK ABOUT IT, RIGHT AFTER YOU LICK THE NON-FERROUS MATERIAL OFF MY BIG HAIRY MAGNET BALLS. AND THE HELLFIRE CLUB IS ALL LIKE, YEAH OK THAT'S FAIR.
SOME RAYCESS HUMANS ARE OUT TO KICK NIGHTCRAWLER'S FURRY BLUE BUTTCAKES!
THEN KITTY PRYDE GETS ALL PUFFED UP AND TAKES DOWN A BALDING CRACK SNIFFING GEEZER. I MEAN SHE JUST UNLOADS ON THIS FUGGIN GUY.
THE LAST PAGE IS ALSO A TOTAL FUCKING NUT TWISTER. I MADE IT ALL EXTRA LARGE WITH BLOGGER'S NIFTY NEW FEATURES. HOLY SHIT I FEEL LIKE A REAL PROFESSIONAL NOW. SO READ THIS PAGE, IT OWNS.
This issue is the official start of first official X-Mens comic book crossover, or X-Over, as industry wags have so dorkily dubbed them. The x-over (what, I'm a dork too) is called the Mutant Massacre, it is totally awesome. The premise is simple, there are too many Morlocks living in the tunnels beneath Manhattan and they are an inconvenient plot point for the X-Men and their associated books (which now include the New Mutants and X-Factor). So Claremont invents a team of bad guys to go into the tunnels and kill all the Morlocks. AND THEY DO. (spoiler alert)
LIKE HOW THEY FUCKING EXECUTED THAT POOR INNOCENT DEFENSELESS TEENAGE GIRL MUTANT THERE. WITH A MOTHERFUCKING SHOT GUN NO LESS. BOOM, SON!
Yes that's right. This comic book has been without a doubt born again hard. They just let the Cunt Penny Sex Mens into their beloved corp.
This issue was probably the first X-Men comic book I ever read. I was 5 or something when it came out and it was part of 2 dozen or so dog-eared and spine-rolled comics from the mid 80's that me and my brother re-read over and over again. As you can imagine, seeing all sorts of heavy shit go down was enough to blow my tiny little prepubetic mind and I was hooked pretty early. That's what comic fans today don't get. You don't hook kids on comics early with age appropriate stuff. They already have fucking cartoons for that. More cartoons then they could ever watch. You use comics as the back door gateway to adult material and themes they otherwise wouldn't be able to experience. FUCK IT JUST GIVE KIDS PORNO ITS FINE.
Anyway, most of the rest of the issue is just the X-Turds regrouping after the huge fight with Nimrawd and also dealing with Rachel basically deserting the team, even though she only did so after Wolverine shoved his adamantium claws into her abdomen.
Shit is most assuredly about to get fucked up, and the rest of Claremont's run through the 1980's is mostly X-Men getting fucked with and living on the run or in exotic locales and none of this bald crippled professor barking orders at them in a classroom bullshit. So it's going to totally rock tits.
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