Thursday, January 21, 2010

X-MEN 111: MINDGAMES!

Yeah, that's fine, whatever. I can't think of a good fuckin pun for that title, probably because it's actually decent. Plus its late and I have fucking accounting homework to do. AW FUCK.

Issue 111 features the return of art team John Byrne and Terry Austin, the Jesus fuggin Christ our Lord and fuggin Savior. It's good, but a little fuckin weird. Like wacky, but not in a totally terrible way. You can get a good impression of the deal by the cover.

The first page starts right in the middle of the story, with the Beast, one of the original Silver Age X-Men but is now A FUCKING AVENGER, at a carnival. Ooh fun!

The Beast is at the carnival because of a bunch of events that happens in other comic books that I don't give a shit about it, so fuck the flashback that explains it. More importantly is that all the carnival freaks look just like the X-Men! AAAH I'M SICK OF YOU FREAKS!

The Beast tries to snap the obviously brainwashed X-Men out of thinking they're simple carnie geeks but he fails (boo!). The Beast's limp, flaccid, defeated body is brought before the bad guy behind this nefarious plot and finds out its MESMERO, who is a total faggot! I really don't know shit about Mesmero but apparently his power is brainwashing.

Then Wolverine, who by now firmly established himself as the most bad ass of all Marvel superheroes, breaks free of Mesmero's control (because he is fucking BAD ASS) and helps the Beast free the rest of the X-Men and then fuck Mesmero's pussy ass up.

Then this scene happens!

Hah, no that doesn't happen really. No then the X-Men discover that once again, its that evil dick Magento who was REALLY behind everything. Man, fuck that fuckin guy!

And thus ends the zaniest issue of Claremont's run thus far. Since the X-Men are at a carnival, they all talk like 30's gansters (obviously). So while no one says "Say hello to my tommy gun, coppa!" they DO say things like "This bozo's got me confused with some other broad. Get him outta here, willya, Slim?"

Then there's the whole idea that the badguy, Mesmero, captured all the X-Men with his powers and then decided he'd make them all pretend to be carnival freaks. I mean, he had to construct all the cages and draw up the posters and hire extra goons to help handle the crowds and schlep all the gear. What the fuck? Why? Why not just fucking kill them? Who the fuck vanquishes their enemies and then uses them to run a fake carnival? NO ONE COULD POSSIBLY GET THAT FUCKING BORED. Its thats just silly, man, come the fuck on.

Oh, then there's this gem from Wolvie, after Phoenix ZRAKOW!'s him with her powers right after she snaps out of Mesmero's mind control: "Shoot, lady, you pack a MEAN ZAP."

Well we'll have to see what kind of mean zap's Magneto's got planned for the X-Cakes next fuggin issue, now won't we!

No comments:

Post a Comment