What we learned this issue besides that there are no dumb bells here there are just my balls.
WOW THIS JUST MAY BE THE SEXIEST ISSUE OF THE SUPER SEXY SEX-MEN EVER!
STORM AND THE ANAL COMMANDER HAVE SOME NICE MOVES.
IT'S LIKE THAT SCENE IN ROBIN HOOD WHEN LITTLE JOHN FALLS IN THE STREAM. JUST STAND UP YOU BIG DUMMY!
LESS ENGINES MORE SEXINS!
ISN'T WOLVERINE SUPPOSED TO HAVE SOME MUTANT POWERS THAT ALERT HIM TO WHEN A GIANT FUCKING TRUCK IS HEADING RIGHT AT HIM?
WALTER WHITE IS FUCKING METAL.
THIS YOUNG LADY IS A REAL POET WHEN IT COMES TO METAPHORS.
THERE IS SEX GOING ON IN LIKE EVER PANEL OF THIS COMIC BOOK!
INCUBUS DID A SONG ABOUT THIS BACK WHEN THEY WEREN'T TERRIBLE.
REALLY THE FUCKING JUST DOES NOT STOP.
Man I did a lot of those relettered panels today. No wonder this shit takes so fucking long to get through.
So Storm is out in the woods with some drug dealing little slit, being hunted by 3 old super powered jagovs. Wolverine can't help though, because he has completely lost his god damn mind. Storm thinks about killing the geezers, but doesn't, even though they want to kill her, and the stupid girl. Improbably she ends up beating them all in a fight and convincing them she will kill them if they don't turn themselves into the police, which they do.
But also the old man in the red suit kills the slut with a knife. And Wolverine just stands around like an asshole and does nothing.
Oh and there really isn't any sex in the issue at all. I just made all that stuff up.
You can see Claremont dealing with the whole established Marvel Universe Super Hero code of conduct. Now that it's the bad ass 80's, comic villains are running around murdering the ever living fuck out of everyone, but all the heroes still have to pretend that killing is wrong, always, no matter what. So Claremont is dealing with the medium maturing (relatively speaking, they're still all fighting crime in spandex, after all), and also Storm and Wolverine are dealing with whether they should be murdering more or not.
It's a pretty nifty comic in that respect. The 3 old geezers sound ridiculous, WWII vets who become disillusioned with the world and all the crime and decide to go all Charles Bronson on the scum of the earth, but also fascinating in a way that only works because its a comic book. It may be a little much to pack into the two issues, though, especially when the drug dealing girl is such an absurd characterture. I don't need The Wire level of humanization but besides turning young children into coke heads, she is also a deranged psychopath her murders people for no reason. I knew some people who sold coke, they weren't homicidal maniacs. Not all of them anyway.
Plus the bloviating between Wolverine and Storm (especially Storm) about whether it's OK to murder or not gets old fast. Less braying, more slaying, hot dig it.
Anyway, Storm and Wolverine dispatch these turkeys and drive off in a truck together, for super sexy sex times one can only assume. Meanwhile Rogue and the cripples are still in Muir Island convalescing as the team slowly disintegrates.
Next Week: The Juggerballs is back!
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