69 BONUS EDITION!
WHAT WE LEARNED THIS ISSUE (NOT INCLUDING, UNFORTUNATELY, WHAT SEPARATES MAROON 5 FROM JAMIROQUAI WITH A BAND):
WARREN WORTHINGTON III IS SO FLUSH WITH CASH HIS H
OME HAS A TELEPHONE WITH SPEED DIAL! FUCK!
TOO BAD IT DOESN'T HELP HIS SPERM REPOSITORY, CANDY SOTHERN FROM BEING ABDUCTED BY SOME BIG UGLY PIECE OF SHIT NAMED SUNDER.
OH WAIT, NIGHTCRAWLER DOES SAVE HER, RIGHT BEFORE HE WAS ABOUT TO PLOW HIS STEP-SISTER/GIRLFRIEND (EW) AMANDA SEFTON. CANDY YOU COCKBLOCKIN BITCH!
BUT WWIII DID GEET KIDNAPPED, AND THE X-KNOBS ARE OFF TO HIS RESCUE, WHICH TAKES THEM DEEP WITHIN THE BOWELS OF VAST THE NEW YORK SUBTERRANEAN TUNNEL SYSTEM WHICH TOTALLY DOES NOT EXIST.
SERIOUSLY, WHY WOULD YOU CONNECT A MASSIVE SEWER SYSTEM TO A SUBWAY SYSTEM? YOU FUCKING WOULDN'T. THAT'S DUMB.
BUT I GUESS THERE IS ONE IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE AND A BUNCH OF FUCKING GRODY LOOKING HOMELESS PEOPLE MUTANTS LIVE THERE AND THEY FIGHT THE X-MEN.
AND RIGHT BEFORE THE CLIFFFHANGER ENDING WE FIND ANGEL STUCK IN AN S&M BONDAGE DUNGEON WITH HIS MISTRESS.
This is the first appearance of the Morlocks and their leader, Castillo, whose power is to be ugly and skinny and dress like a fucking hipster douche bag. Reading this for the first time helped foster that ridiculous fantasy that all big cities were built on top of a giant abandoned underground tunnels where all sorts of crazy, fucked up shit goes down. Maybe I'm making too big a deal of out this (me? make too big of a deal of a comic book? never!) but there's just no reason why any city would ever make a sewer system that spacious and ornate. You can't live in the swer tunnels. In real life you wouldn't be even able to fit in them, the pipes are that big. And that's all they are, just a bunch off fuckin pipes. Nobody built huge empty rooms underground with big stone archways just for the hell off it. And the subway tunnels likewise have no extra space in them. They're just big enough for a subway car to travel through, why the fuck would there big a sidewalk next to them? And there sure as fuck aren't any two story staircases with ornate, decorate railings. Come on, that is just too much!
Ok, now that I've proven that I clearly have no life all I've got left to say is that this is an enjoyable issue with more strong art from Paul Smith but it's mostly a set up for next issue, when the Morlocks and X-Loafs fight it out again. Oh and the creepy stalker dude Caliban from a bunch of issues ago is back and kidnapped Kitty Pryde and probably molested her because he is clearly retarded.
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