What we learned this issue while lancin (e.g. frotting) in the dark:
CYCLOPS IS NOT WELL VERSED IN THE SEXY ARTS OF SEDUCTION.
ON A FIRST DATE, SMOOTH PLAYA CYCLOPS PULLS OUT A PICTURE OF HIS DEAD GIRLFRIEND - WHICH HE STILL KEEPS ON HIM AT ALL TIMES - TO SHOW HIS HOT DATE JUST HOW MUCH THEY LOOK LIKE EACH OTHER.
LUCKILY FOR CYCLOPS, RED-HEADED BABE MADELYNE PRYOR IS SIMPLING THROWING HER PUSSY AT HIM, AND THEY BONE BY THE END OF THE BOOK ANYWAY.
MEANWHILE, THE MORLOCKS ARE STILL TYING UP A MUTANT WHO CAN TELEPORT. DUMBASSES.
MYSTIQUE AND DESTINY ARE TWO OLD MUTANT SCISSOR SISTERS.
STORM STABS THE SHIT OUT OF CALLISTO'S HEART IN WHAT IS BY FAR THE MOST BAD ASS THING SHE HAS DONE IN HER LIFE.
FUCKING TASTE COLD STEEL, CALLISTO'S HEART!
PAUL SMITH IS A SLICK MOTHERFUCKING ARTIST.
HOWEVER, NEITHER CYCLOPS NOR MADELYNE PRYOR'S FASHION SENSIBILITIES WILL STAND UP TOT HE TEST OF TIME VERY WELL:
Besides the spastic courtship of Cyclops and Madelyne Pryor, this issue is all about the Morlocks and the X-Faces mixing it up in the sewers. The highlight of the issue, and one of the raddest bits in X-Men history, is a knife fight between the Morlock leader, Callisto and X-Men boss lady Storm. Storm winds by nonchalantly stabbing the fuck out of Callisto and strolling away from her dead lifeless corpse.
Storm, a notorious pussy and tree hugger who refuses to kill anything, finally does something cool for once in her boring life. But the Morlocks have a healer that brings Callisto back to life so really it wasn't all that cool.
There's also a mid-issue interlude where we see lesbian couple Mystique and Destiny talk about their foster daughter, Rogue, whose run away and will join the X-Men next issue (Spoiled Alert!). The segment is notable for the incredibly dope panel of a close up of Mystique's tearing eyeball reflecting the image of Jean Grey slashing her throat (it happens in a dream which also foreshadows the return of Mastermind, the evil villain of the Dark Phoenix Saga). Paul Smith was at the top of his game during this run, aided and abetted by the smooth inking of Bob Wiack.
I also like how the still kidnapped Angel is totally forced to wear serious S&M bondage gear.
Anyway, thanks to Storm's bloodthirsty savagery, the X-Nuts know have a massive horde of decrapitated looking mutant bums under their charge. Great, that's gonna get them invited to a lot off parties, I'm sure.
Next issue, Rogue joins the fart party of X-Farts and Cyclops continues ramming his ruby quartz ding-a-ling in Madelyne Pryor's cloned fire crotch. So great fun for all!
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