What we learned this issue besides that I get unreasonably annoyed when people use the word masturbate incorrectly. One person can not masturbate another. You can jerk someone else off (or jag them off, all the same to me) but masturbation is strictly a solo enterprise, hot damn it. You also can't manually masturbate farm animals for artificial insemination, Kevin Smith.
XAVIER HAS FIGURED OUT HOW TO USE HIS LEGS AGAIN, AND THEN USES THEM TO PLAY BASKETBALL LIKE A TOTAL PUSSY INSTEAD OF COMPETING IN THE ANCIENT SPORT OF WRESTLING LIKE A REAL MAN WOULD.
HE'S ALSO GETTING TERRIBLE HEADACHES. PROBABLY JUST THAT TIME OF THE MONTH AGAIN, CHARLIE.
KITTY PRYDE FINALLY HAS A LOVE INTEREST HER AGE, IN DOUG RAMSEY, A WORTHLESS AND LAME NEW MUTANT WHO POWER IS THE ABILITY TO TRANSLATE THINGS. WHAT A LOSER. AND WE HAVE TO WAIT LIKE 60 ISSUES BEFORE HE'S KILLED FOR BEING A TOTAL BUTT WIPE WITH A CHODE POWER (PS ALSO A SPOILER ALERT)
KITTY AND DOUG GO TO AN ARCADE AND THEN GET A BURGER. A RECEIPE FOR A SMOOTH SMOOTH HJ IN THE NEAR FUTURE NO DOUBT.
COLOSSUS HAS A HEART TO HEART WITH WOLVERINE ABOUT NO LONGER WANTING TO BONE KITTY. SHUT UP, PUSSIES.
KITTY AND STORM FINALLY WRING OUT THEIR HORMONES AND TALK ABOUT KITTY'S BULLSHIT "PROBLEM" WITH STORM NEW ATTITUDE, CLOTHES AND MOHAWK, EVEN THOUGH HER ATTITUDE IS STILL PRETTY MUCH THE SAME: MEGA BITCH.
GOD THERE SO MUCH FUCKING TALKING IN THIS ISSUE, WHY WON'T IT FUCKING END. OK LOOK, HERE IS XAVIER PLAYING BASKETBALL.
LIKE A FAGGOT.
Welcome to lametown, population, this fucking issue (and that joke). The only action is Storm fighting some dumb stereotypical street punks. Theyre the type of typical generic (and probably racist) depictions of thugs found in comics. Theyre supposed to be in some sort of mixed race gang that just go around, confidently boasting of hurting innocent people for money and or fun. And then Storm beats them up.
And then She and Kitty menstruate all over each other.
And the X-Men get sucked into some warp and deposited onto the "Battleworld" used for the Marvel Universe crossover limited series Secret Wars, which was also dumb as hell. And I think Ed in Cheif Jim Shooter made Claremont end the Colossus/Kitty underage smoochfest, but I don't know for sure, what do I look like, his fucking biographer?
And then next issue they're all back from the Secret Wars (even though it'll be another 11 months before that limited series ends - guess none of the X-Pals die during it, huh? FYI SPOILED ALERT THAT WAS NOT EVEN MY FAULT) and more adventures, hopefully more interesting than this one, will take place.
LETS STEP UP THE GAME, CLAREMONT, SHALL WE?
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