X-Men 183: He'll never make her cry or fake an orgasm

What we learn this issue besides that Colossus knows how to keep the ladies creamin like Willie Beamon.

OOH, A LOT OF SHIT HAPPENS; LETS TRY TO DO THIS MAD BRIEFLY YO:

COLOSSUS DUMPS KITTY - SUCKS TO BE YOU, PRYDE

KITTY CRIES TO HER FRIEND ILLYANA, WHO'S ALL LIKE, YEAH, REMINDS ME OF THE TIME I GOT IMPRISONED IN HELL AND RAPED FOR 7 YEARS. BITCH.

ROGUE IS ALL PISSED SHES TOTALLY BONKERS AND NEARLY KILLS HERSELF IN THE DANGER ROOM AND DOESN'T EVEN GIVE A FUCK IF STORM WANTS TO HELP.

WOLVERINE TELLS COLOSSUS ITS TIME TO GO DRINK BEERS AND DOESN'T EVEN RECALL GIVING HIM A GOD DAMN CHOICE. WOLVERINE OWNS. NIGHTCRAWLER TAGS ALONG AND SMELLS OF FART.

STORM COMFORTS KITTY. KITTY SEZ SHE HATES COLOSSUS, AND LOVES HIM. WELL WHICH IS IT, BITCH?

MYSTIQUE IS INFILTRATING THE FUGGIN YOO ESS GUBMINT! THAT FUGGIN CRAFTY CUNNY! START BEING MORE SUSPICIOUS VALERIE FUGGIN COOPER!!!

AT THE BAR, WOLVERINE GIVES COLOSSUS A VICIOUS ADMONISHMENT.

THEN FUCKIN COLOSSUS SPILLS A FUCKIN BEER ON FUCKIN CAIN THE FUCKIN JUGGER-FUCKIN-NAUT FUCKIN MARKO. FUCK! WHAT THE DICK IS THAT FUCKER DOING THE FUCK HERE?

THEY FIGHT. JUGGSIE HITS COLOSSUCK WITH THE BAR. THE WHOLE FUCKING BAR! THEN HE DUMPS THE BUILDING ON HIM. THE WHOLE FUCKING BUILDING! JESUS CHRIST, IT WAS JUST A BEER, MOTHERFUCKER, SMOKE A FUCKIN PEACE PIPE WHY DONT YOU.

WOLVEROONIE TELLS COLONOSUSS ONCE AGAIN THAT HE'S A STRAIGHT UP FUCKIN BITCH. THEN WALKS AWAY LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN GIVE A MOTHERFUCK. CAUSE HE DON'T. BITCH.

AND THAT'S IT - OH WAIT, WHAT'S THIS? ANOTHER VILLAIN ON THE FINAL PAGE SHOWN SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF SOME DUDE? SOME INNOCENT SCHLUB WHO WAS JUST TRYING TO BURY HIS DICK IN SOME COOZE HE PICKED UP AT THE BAR AND DIDN'T REALIZE THAT THIS PARTICULAR COOZE WAS A 2000 YEAR OLD SOUL DRAINING SUPER VILLAIN SUCCUBUS NAMED SELENE? WELL, THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED 'WEARING PROTECTION' BRO. ENJOY VD/DEATH.

PALS AT THE BAR:

Phew, I'm exhausted. Also, drawing word bubbles for three people in one panel is hard! Much respect Tom Orzechowski.

Another solid issue of with the right mix of melodrama and cartoon violence. So you see why Claremontel is often called the Godfather of post-modern Sci-Fi by no one except me and really it just shows how much of an influence his X-Men were on dudes like Joss Whedon? Well now you do, so believe it baby.

The break up scene the issue opens with really is handled well, especially by Romita Jr, who even though I like to dump on does a great job with the shifting perspectives and wide shots and facial expressions and dare I say this fucking guy is growing on me?

I'll still just say it's all on the inker, Dan the Man Green, but whatever, the art here is nice.

It's pretty absurd that Juggernaut just happens to go to the same bar as Wolverine, Colossus and Nightcrawler. Even more ridiculous is the fight starts by accident, not because either Peter or Marko recognize each other. But a fight to break the tension was necessary for the story so no big whoop.

The fact that two monstrous, invulnerable, tank-like dudes just blowing off steam at a bar wrecks an entire building and nearly kills dozens of building did strike me as a little bit fucked up, though. It's stuff like that that makes the premise of Garth Ennis' The Boys totally plausible. People say Ennis is created that book because he hates super heroes, but I think it's more that he LOVES super heroes and has read a shit ton of super hero books, it's just that if he were to try and sit down and write a super hero book of his own, which he is basically doing with the Boys, all he would think about is stuff like this. How a bunch of fuckers are just recklessly endangering, and probably murdering, a whole bunch of people just because they can and who gives a fuck. Well, read that series if you want to know more, but also just know this one other thing: THE BOYS IS FUCKING AWESOME.

And next issue this new bitch Selene starts a ruckus and more of the political horsepucky that's been stewing in the pot for a while finally starts really hitting the fan. YEAH A GREAT FUCKING TIME WE'RE HAVING ISN'T IT.