X-Men 265: Storm and Drangus

MAMAAAAA! JUST KILLED A BEER! PUT THE CUP AGAINST MY LIPS! CHUGGED IT ALL AND NOW I'M SICK! MAMAAAAAA OOOOH OOH OOH OOOOH!

 

WHATS THE MATTER LITTLE BABY STORM? IS LITTLE BABY STORM GONNA CRY? DOES LITTLE BABY STORM NEED HER BOTTLE?

HEY FUCK YOU LITTLE BABY STORM.

SO THESE DRAGONS ARE FUCKING.

NOT KIDDING AT ALL. THE ISSUE OPENS WITH A PRELUDE, IN SPACE! AND SOME ALIEN SPACE DRAGONS FUCK.

ITS SUPPOSED TO FORESHADOW THE TROUBLE IN THE SHIAR EMPIRE THAT WE'LL GET TO IN ABOUT 9 OR 10 ISSUES. AND TO CONVEY THAT WE GET BONING SPACE DRAGONS.

WHICH IS OKAY BY ME!

FUCK STATIC ELECTRICITY.

NANNY AND ORPHAN MAKER. NANNY IS THE EGG. ORPHAN MAKER LOOKS LIKE COLOSSUS WITH A MASK. I FUCKING HATE THEM. INCIDENTALLY THEY WERE CREATED BY LOUISE SIMONSON AND NOT CLAREMONT. NUFF SAID.

I'M A HAVE ME A FIVE GUYS. YUP, THINK I'LL EAT THAT LATER. NICE.

THE SHADOW KING HAS ENSLAVED A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WITH HIS MIND AND PUT THEM IN SKIN TIGHT BODY SUITS. ITS ALL VERY PERVY.

STORM HALLUCINATES AND HER MOM/NANNY MONSTER BEARS A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE TO THE WARDEN FROM SUPERJAIL.

COINCIDENCE?????

YEAH, PROBABLY.

KAWAK!

BUT SERIOUSLY, STORM IS A 10 YEAR OLD GIRL. HOW FUCKING HARD COULD SHE POSSIBLY HIT SOMEONE? WHAT IS SHE, FUCKIN JON BONES FUCKIN JONES? COME ON NOW.

The Shadow King and his creepy strategy of possessing and probably fucking random strangers is actually a pretty interesting one. Too bad we also have to deal with shit ass Nanny and dick head Orphan Maker. I know Claremont is buddies with Louise Simonson and she used to be editor of Uncanny X-Men but most everything she writes blows. Sorry but its true. SHE IS NO CLAREMONT.

Also Storm being 10 is a pretty bad idea. What the fuck for? Makes no sense.

So yeah, I never liked Storm, and this a comic with nothing but 10 year old Storm. Except for the space dragon fucking. That was cool.

And the art by Bill Jaaska is weird. Not bad, but not good either. Just weird. Everyone's eyes are too big and they have weird, lumpy (voluptuous?) bodies.

Not the best issues but it has it's moments. From a deeper perspective, I really like how this is 'supposed' to be a comic book about Charles Xavier's team teenage mutants fighting Magento, Juggernaut and the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, but now its a 10 year old fighting sex slaves and space dragons fucking each other on the moon. Hah, fucking comics.

Next issue is the first appearance Gambit. Remember that fucker?