Issue 102 starts with a big fight splash as big Juggs asks "Among the lot of you [X-Men] - WHO WILL STOP THE JUGGERNAUT?" It's a good thing someone also didn't make a mess all over Juggernauts' parking lots, because then he'd have to ask, "WHO WILL MOP THESE FUGGIN LOTS?"
As you can see, what Juggernaut does ask also serves as the title of the issue and I had a ferocious internal debate as to which way I should go with my parody title. Obviously the more purient alternative prevailed. Also, should it be whom instead of who? I don't know, what do I look like, a fucking English professor?
Anyways, as I was saying, the issue begins with the big maroon bullet-head wailing away on Colossus, Nightcrawler and Wolverine. Banshee tackles his cousin, Black Tom, who are immune to each others' powers because they are related (because thats how mutant powers work, duh) and Storm cowers in the corner, suffering from a debilitating panic attack brought on by her acute claustrophobia.
Storm's phobia developed during her childhood when she saw her parents crushed to death by a collapsed building. Seems logical enough. However, explained illogically is the rest of Storm's fucking idiotic origin. Craming in as much unnecessary detail as possible, Claremont decided that Storm, the African weather-goddess, was actually born in Harlem (112th St and Amsterdam, specifically) to an aspiring African-American photojournalist (aparently he hasn't made it into the big leagues of photojournalism yet) and a Kenyan Princess. When she was six months old, Storm's parents move to Cairo, so that 5 years later their house can be crashed into by French Vautor fighter bomber during the Suez War of 1956 (don't worry about the pilot of that French Vautor fighter bomber, though, Claremont explicitly says he ejects before the crash and is repatriated home after being taken prisoner, thank god). Storm's parents, unfortunetely, are crushed to death. So long Mrs and Mrs David Munroe, it was swell sharing 5 panels and 2 pages with you! But it doesn't end there, oh no. See, Ororo is quite the resourceful 6 year old, and manages to crawl out off the rubble and find Achmed El Gibars, the finest beggar thief in all of Cairo, who takse Storm in, raises her for 6 years and teached her to be an expert beggar thief. Then, at the tender age of twelve, Storm walks (yes, walks), two thousand miles to Kenya, where she worshiped by the bushmen of the Serengati until Xavier shows up and convinces her to join his superhero team.
Yep, that's how fucking stupid comics in the 70's were.
So after the flashback digression we see Xavier, picking up on Storm's anguish with his vast mental powers. He goes to get Cyclops to tell him to help (right after a brief one panel shot off Jean Grey teasing her super scary super duper new phoenix powers!) but Cyclops tells him to fuck off, he's staying with Jean. Xavier calls him an "ungrateful, unspeakable cur!" (whoa, temper temper there, fuckin Shakespeare) but before his reprimand can continue, he has another space vision!
Then there's like 5 more pages of fighting and it looks like the X-men are defeated when the issue ends (and also we see a couple more panels of the leprechauns).
This isn't as terrible as it sounded. The fights scenes are pretty good, with Nightcrawler, Colossus and Wolverine all showing off their bad assness, and the Dark Phoenix ominous tease is cool, especially when you know what happens like, 30 issues later. Yes, Storm's origin is retarded, but Claremont needed a lockpick for the team so these is how he got one. It's also nice to see Xavier totally over react. That guy can be a total dick, man. I'm glad i never joined the X-Men. Fuckin professor ass-fuckin-hole.
Ok next coming up right now!
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