X-MEN 101: LIKE A FETUS FROM THE ASSES

Hey happy new year - its been forever since I did this so let's see what happened in X-Men one hundred and fuckin one!

The spaceship of x-men crashes in the ocean (SBANG! THOD! FTHOD! FTHLOOM!) and everyone is OK except Jean but then Jean Grey emerges like a PHOENIX FROM THE ASHES in an all new uniform!

Then they don't know if she will be ok BUT THEN SHE IS OK! And Cyclops is so relieved he has to cry because GOD WHAT A LITTLE BITCH.

So then Xavier sends them to Banshee's castle in Ireland (what, you don't have one?) for a vacation, but Cyclops stays (because he is a bitch, 'member?). And the rest of the X-Men joke around a bit.

Ho ho ho, what chums! But then while hanging out in the Castle they are attacked by Black Tom Cassidy and the Juggernaut! "Nice vacation while it lasted!" says Nightcrawler.

And thats how the cliffhanger for next ish is set up.

So Jean Grey and her new costume are fine, and as we'll see in a few issues, totally powered up! She be able to tackle such worthies as Galactus' Heralds, putting her among the ranks of the heaviest of Marvel Superhero heavies. Then of course we later find out that its too much power for her to handle and she goes nuts and kills a whole planet, and then kills herself to atone for such egregious abuse of power. And then the Marvel editors decide to fuck up the continuity royally by having her come back from the dead, but instead of just going, oh look Jean's back, and its a comic book so who cares (like Joss Whedon did with Colossus in Astonishing X-Men), the Marvel powers that be decided (in a tale best retold by you looking it up on fucking google for the whole epic length story) that the jean Grey/Phoenix we're seeing now is not actually Jean Grey, but a whole different being, who then died, and the REAL Jean was pulled out of the bottom of the ocean.

So yeah, it got all fucked up later. For now, though, its good to know that Marvel Girl wouldn't be such a worthless dame and will be able to actually contribute in future x-battles (If you're a total nerd who cares about this kind of stuff its good, anyway).

Anyhow - no updates on the weird space dreams Charles Xavier has been having but we finally find out why some guy got killed for trying to deliver a letter a bunch of issues back and Black Tom the villain is introduced I think for the first time and at least for the first time with Juggypoo, Xavier's evil half brother.

Also, we don't know it yet but we see a panel of a bunch of leprechaun hiding in the shadows of the castle watching he X-Men. These turn out to be actual leprechauns and the less said about them the better.

On the opposite off the awesome fictional character spectrum is Wolverine continuing to be a total bad ass. Sure, he buys Jean Grey flowers when she is in the hospital, but in Wolvie's defense a) Jean Grey is a total babe b) even Wolverine can not believe he's buying flowers for a "frail". And the fact that he calls her a frail is pretty bad ass too.

Oh and the best part is when Xavier 'orders' everyone to go on vacation and Wolverine's response is to un-snikt he claws and threaten to murder Xavier with them because he doesn't feel like going. Because Wolverine will FUCKING CUT YOU AND HE DOES NOT EVEN CARE.

OK even though its been awhile I added 3 pictures so thats enough for now. And yes, Avatar's plot is that fucking stupid. Awesome visuals but I guess I have time to digress so here is the essence of Avatar: Evil humans are trying to extract precious resources from a planet inhabited by a bunch of 10 feet tall blue people who act like a bunch of Indians from the American plains in the 1850s. To more easily extract these resources, the evil humans create fake remote control aliens. One humans decides he will stop the rest of the humans by using his remote control alien to rape the biggest pterodactyl on the planet and lead the aliens to victory in a big battle against the humans as the ancient alien legend predicted.

thats it. i recommend seeing this movie in 3-D in the theatres but maximize their experience by first taking a bunch off extasy tablets and listening to an iPod with 3 hours of full of crazy tehcno the whole time.