X-Men 239: Vanateetons

What we learn this issue besides that I'm solid like a fibrous B.M.

GET READY FOR LOTS OF POOP JOKES. IT WAS JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS I GUESS.

THE ELEVATOR CALLED THE SHIT POO!

THAT'S A PORCELAIN THRONE FIT FOR A KING.

BUT FRIED DOG BUTTS ARE THE BEST!

GOD THIS IS SO STUPID.

 

GROAN.

ALRIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.

I THINK I SHOULD QUIT THIS BLOG.

Oh boy that was fun. Plop, plop, plop. Glad I got all that OUT OF MY SYSTEM. LIKE OUT THROUGH MY BUNG HOLE.

Anyhow, this issue serves as prelude to INFERNO. A crossover with The New Mutants and X-Factor where Limbo, the Marvel Universe PG version of Hell, is unleashed on earth, specifically Manhattan. We get a glimpse of the horrors that are to come, where stuff, like elevators and mail boxes, come alive and start eating people. It's played up for slapstick humor tho, as Silvestri and Green draw the demonically possessed stuff in a very cartoony fashion.

But for now its mostly this fuckin guy, Mister Sinister (whose name sounds cooler when you pronounce it Mister suhNISter) complaining to himself that his favorite adversaries, the X-Men, are dead (because everyone thinks they died in stupid Dallas). We also learn that Sinister controls the Marauders, the guys responsible for killing all the Morlocks, and that he can recreate the Marauders when they die as clones. Or at least that's implied. The only one he can't recreate is Malice, the floating ghost who possess people, because she is now "permanently" bonded to Havok's girlfriend Polaris' body, at least as permanently as things get in comics (I think it is undone about 30 issues later or so).

And as Sinister bitches about each X-Men personally we cut away to a couple page vignettes of those X-Men. Dazzler and Longshot go to a bar and party heavy and later bone (probably). Storm learns that Jean Grey is alive and yells at Wolverine who knew since the Mutant Massacre but didn't tell anyone because he has a huge crush on Jean and is a big pussy. Colossus gets pooped on by Psylocke who yells at Rogue who reverts back to her Carol Danvers Ms Marvel persona, for no real good reason. Then Havok plows Madelyne Pryor who is basically fucking nuts and wants the demons of Hell (er, I mean Limbo) to help her kill the Marauders and get her baby back from whoever stole it (spoiler alert, it's Mister Penister!)

And even though he is the best X-Men, everyone shits on Cyclops for abandoning Madelyne Pryor and the baby and basically causing this whole mess in the first place.

But no one actually gets literally pooped on, which is too bad because that would be funny.

OK, all hell literally breaks loose next issue, in a completely fictional sense.