X-Men 240: Stroke the Snatch - Inferno Fart the First

What we learn this issue besides that its about to get as phantasmagorical as fuck.

OH BOY INFERNO IS HERE. AND BOY DOES SILVESTRI KNOW HOT TO DRAW A COVER. I WISH I KNEW MORE ABOUT GRAPHIC DESIGN SO I COULD SOUND ALL SMART ABOUT WHY I THINK IT LOOKS SO BAD ASS. EXCEPT THAT I THOUGHT THE STUPID ASIAN BADGUY IN THE DORKY 80'S STAND UP COMEDIAN SUIT WAS THROWING OFF THE SYMMETRY SO I ADDED DR STEVE BRULE FOR BALANCE. BECAUSE WHAT COULDN'T BE IMPROVED WITH MORE DR STEVE BRULE?

FOR YOUR HEALTH.

I'M ACTUALLY EMBARRASSED BY THIS ONE BUT LOOK, MADELYNE PRYOR WAS GRABBING A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE AND I'M ONLY HUMAN YOU KNOW.

PETER STEELE RIP. HE LOVED THE DARK. AND HEROIN.

FUNNY HOW YOU DON'T EVER SEE A DEMON WITH A NAME LIKE KEVIN.

AH I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANY MORE. WHAT THE HELL ELSE WOULD THEY BE TALKING ABOUT?

MISTER PENISTER IS ABOUT TO GET ALL UP IN THAT BEAV.

THIS WAS JUST A RANDOM AD PAGE FOR SOMETHING CALLED THE 'MARVEL ACTION UNIVERSE' WHICH WAS I THINK A CARTOON THAT I DON'T REMEMBER EVER SEEING BUT EITHER WAY I WOULD CHEW OFF MY OWN NUTSACK FOR THAT TO BE MY LIFE. HANGING OUT WITH SPIDER-MAN, ROBOCOP AND A DINOSAUR WITH MISSILE LAUNCHERS? THAT MAKES ME HARD.

All sorts of shit starts happening in this issue, as the Inferno x-over has officially started and Claremont decides to deal once and for all with the inconvenient editorially created plot hole of Scott Summer ditching Madelyne Pryor to go be with the sort of resurrected Jean Grey. Except it's fuckin comic books so nothing is ever final or permanent, just settled for now as best as they can get it.

The tone is of the series is also an interesting mix of gothic horror and slapstick, with credit due both to Claremont and Silvestri for pulling it off so well. Like in the opening sequence where Havok and Pyror are on a date (not cool dude, not cool) on top of Rockafella Plaza and the faux-Ghostbusters show up, argue for a bit and then get eaten by a demonically possessed elevator. You'd think there'd only be one demonically possessed elevator no matter what story your dealing with and that the definite article would suffice but remember the last demonically possessed elevator from last issue was in the Empire State Building, so the indefinite article must be employed in this instance.

Fuckin comics am I right?

Also a nice touch is Madelyne Pyror's dress changing in ever panel. It's because she is the Goblin Queen now and has magical powers that can do shit like that and also command demons from hell (er I mean Limbo).

After the date Pyror leaves Havok with some deep azure balls and goes futzing about some graveyard, bitching about Jean Grey and kvetching with her demon underlings. Meanwhile the X-Geeks are spazzing out in the Outback. Dazzler is getting way to clingy with Longshot and Colossus pulls a Jack from Titanic with Pyslocke and sketches her while she is in the nude. It is unclear, however, if Colossus is actually drawing Psycloke or if this was just a ploy to get her naked and Colossus was just moving the pen along piece of paper pretending to draw. Or maybe he drew a picture of Fartzilla, this is never revealed.

Later, utilizing all that random technology in the cyborg villains' abandoned hideout they took over, the X-Turkeys locate the Marauders in the tunnels beneath Manhattan (which used to house a race of deformed mutants before they were massacred by the Marauders) and with the help of their naked aborigine pal, Gateway, teleport over so they can go kick the shit out of them.

Wait, what the FUCK did I just type?

Anyway, it's a fun fight and the X-Punchersizers thrash the Marauders pretty thoroughly, unlike the last time they tangled like 25 issues ago when the Marauders wrecked everyone. Yeah, payback, bitches. Mutants in the house.

Then Madelyne Pyror discovers that she was a clone made by Mr Gary Sinister which will probably make her crazier and cause more elevators to eat more people.

Also there are a bunch of other comics where important plot takes place that I am going to read but not cover here because they aren't issues of the Uncanny X-Men by Chris Claremont and that's what this blog is all about. That and MS Paint pics of belches and the occasional peen. A fantastic and natural combination that we can all agree is good and proper and to the benefit of mankind.