THEN THERE'S AN AWESOME META-COMMENTARY INVOLVING EVERYONE FAVORITE SPINELESS BLOB OF SHIT, MOJO!
HEY! HE WANTS HIS TAINT!
THE X-BABIES MAKE A CAMEO. HEY FUCK THE X-BABIES!
The main story is nothing special, Claremont doing his part to include the X-Mens in some retarded editorially mandated company wide superhero event. Art Adams is at the height of powers and kicks ass all over the pages. He really is great in this issue. And it's subtly revealed that Colossus has a love child with some slit he poked a while ago. Colossus when will you learn? You gotta wrap it up if you're gonna hit it and quit it. Come on man, you only have yourself to blame for this.
Then Claremont goes nuts on some meta commentary of the X-Men, which he has been writing for like, 12 years at this point. The disgusting tub of lard Mojo represents Marvel's corporate interests (and a little bit of editorial/management/comic reading consumers) and complains that he needs more marketable X-Men, because he secretly videotapes their exploits in the Marvel Universe and broadcasts them live on his television network in the Mojoverse. VERY SLY MR CLAREMONT.
It's pretty awesome, and if I could have one wish I would have Claremont go back to this theme now 37 years or so after he started writing these freaks in a gnarly meta retrospective. And Arthur Adams would draw it. MAKE IT SO!
Anyway, you gotta read yourself, I'm not going to try explaining. Also here is a story I wrote and put up on Facebook that not that many people seemed to enjoy. But look, now I'm posting it, again, here, to save it on the interweb for-fucking-ever. Thanks for helping anonymously catalog my life, fuckin Google. You're the best.
It's called MIRROR MIRROR
“Here Jen, try asking this mirror who's the fairest of them all is.”
“Hah, yeah, OK, Mike. In front of all these people? I don’t need the embarrassment!”
“Oh come on, it’s just you, me, Greg and Sarah, don’t be so shy.”
“OK fine, give it here. Mirror mirror... in my hand! ...who is the fairest of the land!”
KRSHH!
“Oh my god you did not just hand me a novelty mirror!”
“Haha, oh man, Jen, you totally cracked my mirror by looking at it! How embarrassing for you!”
“Shut up, Mike! You think it’s so funny, you try it!”
“Try what, you already busted the mirror, what’s he gonna do, break it some more?”
“Oh my god, shut up, Greg! It’s a dumb fake mirror joke thingy! Here, Mike, reset it. Or just get it out of here. You and your lame jokes.”
“I don’t know why you keep insisting that its a joke mirror. That thing is real. Well, WAS real anyway.”
“Mike, screw you.”
“Fine if you don’t believe me, try again with the hall mirror. Except this time try NOT breaking it with your face”
“You are such a dick.”
“Oh just go look into the mirror, it’ll get this joke over with faster.”
“Thanks, Sarah, you’re such a good friend!”
“What? I mean it! The sooner you look in the hall mirror the sooner this is over with and the sooner we can all go to dinner.”
“Ugh, fine! Whatever! Here I go, to ask the mirror on the wall! I seriously don’t know why I hang out with you guys.”
“If you’re thinking of ditching us I’d appreciate if reimburse me for that broken mirror first.”
“Mike, shut up! Jerk. Grrr. Alright, mirror mirror, on the wall, who-”
KRRRSSSH!
“Oh my god REALLY?!”
“Jen, stop breaking my mirrors!”
“MIKE, STOP IT WITH THIS JOKE MIRRORS YOU DOUCHEBAG!”
“Guys, calm down. Jen, your make up is starting to run. Here, relax and touch yourself up with my compact.”
“SIGH! OK thanks Sarah I-”
CRKT!
“OH MY GOD YOU’RE IN ON IT TOO?!”
“I’m not! What! Oh my god Jen I think you may be really breaking all these mirrors with your face!”
“Guys, I’m scared, I don’t think it’s safe to look directly into Jen’s face anymore!”
“Shut up, Greg!!! You guys are all being dicks!”
“I think you need to see someone about this, Jen.”
KRRRSHH! KRASH! KACHSSHH!
“Holy crap all my wine glasses! Jen, stop looking at stuff! You’re destroying everything I own!”
“HOW CAN I BE DOING THIS?!?”
KACHINK!
“JEN! You just broke my glasses, stop looking at things immediately!”
“OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING!?!”
“Hey, wait, did someone just come inside the house?”
“Oh yeah that’s probably Jim. I told him to come to dinner and meet us here first.”
“Hey guys! Before we go to dinner I wanted to come over and show you my awesome new Waterford Crystal vase I just picked up!”
KRASH!!!
“WHAT THE HELL MY VASE!”
“It’s Jen. She’s got some sort of unholy demon face that breaks anything she casts her horrible reflection on.”
“Jen your face is an abomination and you cost me ten thousand dollars.”
“I really think you should see someone about this, Jen. Like an exorcist.”
“OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!”
“Look! She’s even cracking the marble floor with her terrible monster face!”
“I think we should kill her with fire!”
“OOOOOHH GOD! I can’t take it anymore! This too much!”
“Whoa, Jen, put down that shard of glass!”
“NO! Jen, don’t do it!”
“WHY, WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME? WHHHHYYYYYAAAAGAHglglglglglglglg...”
“NOOOOOOOOO!”
“JEN! Why did you do that! Oh my god this awful.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. You know how annoying it’s going to be cleaning up all that blood?”
…
“HAHAHAHA, Oh Mike, you are such a prankster!”
“Seriously dude, this is probably greatest prank ever!”
“Really, you don’t think we took it too far this time? I mean, Jen’s dead now.”
“Ehh... Maybe.”
“Yeah. Well, anyway, can you grab the mop, we need to hustle if we’re going to make our dinner res.”
THE END.
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