X-Men 125: There’s something awesome on beer island

And its beer! So good I want to have 30 of them. I wish I could drink beer all the time and just ignore my life forever.

WHAT WE LEARN FROM THIS ISSUE:

CHARLIE IS AN AKWARD GUEST AT INTERGALACTIC SPACE PARTIES

MAGNETO HAS A SECCRET HIDEOUT ON AN ORBITING ASTEROID SPACE STATION AND STILL WATCHES OLD BATTLES AGAINST THE X-MEN ON A REEL TO REEL VIDEOTAPE PLAYER

JEAN GREY LOOKS TOTALLY HOT IN A BLACK LEATHER CORSET AND CAN KILL YOU WERE HER GOD LIKE MUTANT POWERS

Recap of the issue: Back on Muir Island, where once there was the inappropriately named Marvel Girl, now there is totally bitchin PHOENIX! And she’s got some serious cans on her. Jean Grey is just chilling and reminiscing in a helpful flashback while Mutant X creepily watches (and masturbates, one can only assume). Mutant X is still on the loose and inhabiting the body of that limp dick hovercraft salesman, Angus MacWhirter.

Meanwhile, the rest of the X-Men, who Jean thinks are dead still, are alive and practicing in the danger room while Magneto convalesces up on Asteroid M while his former flunky Mastermind thinks about how he’s going to totally fuck over Jean Grey, who he’s been stalking and masturbating too since like 10 issues ago.

Mastermind is not very bright, since he’s scheming to manipulate and abuse a mutant who is now revealed to have god-like powers, being able to literally rearrange the atomic structures of matter around her. Moira frets about this while she wonders where Xavier is. Xavier happens to be chilling in space at his alien bird queen girlfriend’s intergalactic space party thinking about the exact same thing, obviously. Before anyone can do shit about dick, however, Phoenix is attacked by Mutant X.

Before we find out how that find will go, the X-Men finally reveal that theyre still alive, by having the Beast accidentally stumble upon them in what he thinks should be a deserted X-Mansion. Because the surviving X-Men couldn’t be bothered to use a phone and let anyone else know that they’re still alive. I mean I get that they though the other X-Men they were separated from died, but come on, they don’t try and contact anyone? How fucking dumb is that? Pretty fucking dumb, I’d say.

Finally, Cyclops picks up the motherfucking telephone and dials up Muir Island, where his brother’s girlfriend picks up, celebrates his sentience and is then also attacked my Mutant X, setting up a royale rumble between the reunited X-Men and Mutant X at Muir Island.

Boy I can’t wait, it’s been since their last battle with Magneto that the X-Men were all together again. And that asshole Mutant X is going to try and ruin everything. Asshole!