WHAT WE LEARNED THIS ISSUE:
SOMEONE'S SEEN THE MOVIE ALIEN RECENTLY
WOLVERINE IS STILL A PSYCHOPATH
KITTY PRYDE = JAIL BAIT
SERIOUSLY THIS WHOLE ISSUE IS ONE BIG ALIEN RIP OFF
Recappage: Not sure if that cartoon turned out right. I probably spent way to long on it and the I don't think what I thought would be a hilarious absurd caption juxtaposed against the graphically violent image paid off. Ah well, fuck my cock.
In this issue, all the X-Men leave the X-House and Kitty is all by her lonesome. Instead of diddling her twat all night like the horny little school girl we all imagine her as, she goes to the danger room to work up a sweat, when all the sudden she is attacked but what looks and acts exactly like the Alien from the movie Alien!
Kitty spends most of the issue running for her fucking life as the alien chases after her, wrecking the X-Crib in the process. Only when she lures it into the X-Hanger is she able to blast it to smithereens with the X-Jets X-Engines and send the demonic creature back to fucking hell. HEEELLLLLLLLLLLL!
A by the numbers action issue starring the newest X-Lady, Kitten "Mittens" Pryde. This issue is also interesting to me because:
- In a brief appearance, Cyclops, still resigned from duty, meets Lee Forrester, a new love interest. Boy you don't waste much time there Cyclops, you big whore.
- Wolverine shows up with his "date" Mariko Yashida from several issues ago, and Nightcrawler teleports in with mistletoe and kisses her, prompting Wolverine to stab viciously at Kurt with his claws. Kurt barely escapes by teleporting out of harms way and Xavier psychically scolds Wolvie, but no one else, including Wolverine's date, seems too put off by the fact that Wolverine just barely missed murdering his friend. It is because Wolverine, the character, has not yet been ruined and still totally owns. But alas, he is a gay now.
- In the splash page, all the way down on page 5, Prof X is teaching Kitty the blackbird jet ignition sequence, which Kitty uses to kill the demon. AWESOME FORESHADOWING DUDE!
- This so called 'Demon' is apparently one of the N'Gari, a "malefic" ancient race that once ruled the earth and appeared in shitty X-Men 96, the 4th appearance of the all-new, all-different X-Bags. They are never fully explained and are just another example of times when you just have to go, sure why the fuck not?
- Kitty kisses Colossus with mistletoe and he blushes. Too bad theirs is a forbidden love ACCORDING TO FEDERAL STATUTORY RAPE LAWS. FUCK OFF KITTY, YOU COCK TEASE.
- When all the X-Bros return after Kitty has bested the Demon, Prof X remarks "There is a miasma of evil about the house." OH SHUT UP YOU ASSHOLE.
- this is the last issue John Byrne draws or co-plots, which is a shame because the X-Mens those two did together were the best X-Mens ever, despite all the stupid bullshit that I've been pointing out. It's the stupid bullshit that make comics fucking great, is what I always say, anyway. you can tell those two hate each other at this point too, since I think Byrne was doing most of the plotting himself and Claremont was just scripting the finished pages that Byrne sent him, because Claremont is now shoving so many fucking word bubbles and exposition panels, its crazy. It's like he has to also narrate (or have Kitty think) every little thing thats going on even though its obvious so he can leave his mark on the comic. He also has Kitty mention how whats going on is just like "in that movie!" which I dont think is unintentional, nor not a dig at Byrne's blatently derivative alien.
-So, sucks that he's gone because his art (with Terry Austin) was indeed, the proverbial tits, but let me put is this way: See you in hell, Byrne!
- also I re-did the word balloon in the cartoon, maybe it works better, maybe not, but definitley who gives a fucking shit. Anyway, HERE IT IS!
This was such an awesome panel in the comic, by the way. A demon murdering the fuck out of two innocent bystanders. LOOKS LIKE THEY ARE REALLY FUCKED NOW.
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