X-Men 137: The Fate of the Fetus... is death! sorry, spoiler alert!

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM THIS ISSUE:

WHEN AN X-MEN DIES, YOU GIVE THEM 35 PAGES OF ASS KICKING ACTION

THE DARK PHOENIX IS THE BLACK ANGEL OF LEGEND - CHAOS BRINGER - RAVAGER OF WORLDS - PROLAPSER OF ANUSES

THREE WHOLE RACES OF FUCKING ALIENS WHAT JEAN GREY DEAD - THE SHI'AR, KREE AND SKRULLS, BUT NOT ALF AND THE MELMACIANS, THEY'RE COOL WITH HER

THE BEAST IS TOTALLY GOING TO PLOW HIS SHI'AR SERVANT, WHO IS BASICALLY IMPLIED TO BE A PROSTITUTE

THERES A SECTION OF THE MOON CALLED THE BLUE AREA THAT HAS EARTH NORMAL ENVIRONMENTS AND RUINS OF AN ANCIENT YET ADVANCED CIVILIZATION - SURE WHATEVER

CYCLOPS' EYE BEAM GOES ZARK!

UATU THE WATCHER HAS A WEIRD FUGGIN HOUSE

THE ONLY WAY JEAN GREY COULD STOP THE PHOENIX FORCE WAS TO KILL HERSELF, AND SHE DID! HAVE FUN BURNING IN HELL FOR THAT

JEAN GREY COULD HAVE LIVED TO BECOME A GOD. BUT IT WAS MORE IMPORTANT TO HER THAT SHE DIE... A HUMAN

it is a fuggin recap: We learned a lot this issue, and that's because it had over 50% more pages for a little more than 50% of the price (which was a whopping 75 cents). When Marvel editorial gives the OK to whack a founding member of a Silver Age, created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby no less, they go all out. There is an interesting story for dork asses about how Claremont and Byrne originally weren't going to kill Jean Grey but then Jim Shooter, the Ed in Chef, was like, no way dude, she killed 5 billion fish people, you can't let her off the hook. Anyway, its totally fascinating for loser geeks like me so I encourage you all to look it up on the internet too, ya big nerdlinger.

The issue starts off with a prologue by the Watcher, an over sized bald headed freak who just watches Earth from the moon and talks to the comic reader every now and then. Hes completely useless in this issue but I guess it can be an all right literary device. Whatever, the point is the X-Men and Jean Grey are hauled before the Imperial Shi'ar court were Lilandra, Charlie Xavier's fuck buddy, has declared Jean Grey too dangerous to live, on account of the Phoenix force she harbors.

The X-Men don't appreciate the summary judgement, and so they decide to fight it out, X-Bags vs Shi'ar Imperial Guards (who are also all super hero types), with the ffate off Jean Grey determined by the victor. The Kree and the Skrulls, more fuggin aliens, decide they want Jean dead too and each send a fighter to tip the scales in the favor of the Imperial Guard.

And then the go to the moon and fight! Yes, the Earth's moon. I don't get it either but it doesn't matter, cause theres 20 glorious pages of super hero battling going on. It's so fucking sweet I can't even describe it. Also I'm tired and don't feel like it. As one would expect, the outnumbered X-Men are worn down and end up losing. Until it's just Jean and Scott left and their getting wailed on. And just when the Phoenix force starts to flare up in Jean again, she uses the last bit off humanity left and telekinetically commands a gun to blow her self to smithereens. So long Jean Grey.

What made this issue so incredibly dope, besides all the gnarly super hero fighting, was that going in, you fully expect the X-Men to win and Jean to figure out a way to live. I mean this is a not insignificant character in the Marvel Universe, she can't possibly die! This is a comic book for chrissake!

But die she does. Though if you were reading it when it came out of the newsstand, you could assume that through some comic book hooey she is revived next issue, but that doesn't happen. She is totally dead, and they, Claremont, Byrne and the Marvel editors, totally planned to keep her that way. That is until 5 years went by and the powers that be decided to retcon her back to life, but thats neither here nor there.

There other nice part about this issue is the dearth of corny exposition or hokey stage directions from the narrator. Claremont manages to keep his big yapper shut for most of issue and he lets the characters and their actions most of the talking, which is nice.

Anyway, Jean Grey is fucking dead and the Dark Phoenix Saga (which it won't be called until it is collected and reprinted - a very rare thing at the time - much later), finally ends. It all started way back in X-Men 101, when the X-Men and faggot Dr Corbeau are flying back from space and the Phoenix force came to Jean to help her save everyone's life.

So that was sweet, my nerd boner is fully turgid, I can assure you. But only a few more Claremont/Byrne stories left, before Byrne moves on to being the writer/artist of about two thirds of Marvel's entire line up at one time or another. But they still have a few more kick ass stories left. Ok, well, fucking blow me.