WHAT WE LEARN THIS ISSUE:
I REALLY MAILED IT IN ON THE MOCK-TITLE
IN THE FUTURE, A BUNCH OFF FUCKIN X-MEN GET SMOKED BY ASSHOLE SENTINELS
"ITS 1984, DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR FUCKIN CHILDREN ARE?"
WE ONLY HAVE 3 YEARS BEFORE THE IMPENDING ROBOT APOCALYPSE
SUPER VILLAIN GROUPS ARE STILL ADDING THE PREFIX "EVIL" TO THEIR TEAM NAMES ON PURPOSE
Recap: This is probably the illest shit Claremont and Byrne ever produced. Its starts with a dope ass cover of geezer looking Wolverine and aged lady 'Katherine' Pryde standing in front of a poster that lists a bunch of X-Men who have been fucking murdered. It's a fuckin famous cover because you're like, wait, why is Wolverine all old and is that a grown up Kitty Pryde? And are they being hunted or something? And holy shit, are all those other X-Men FUCKING DEAD?Yes, I love it. Nerd boners for everyone!
The story drops you right in to the future with little explanation, the gaps being filled in as you read the the comic. Tons of random tid bits are thrown in the dialog and never really explained, but thats what makes them TOTALLY AWESOME EASTER EGGS FOR FANBOY DORK ASSES. Like in the future, Magento is a good guy and friends with the surviving X-Men? Kitty Pryde says she loved Colossus since the day they met, even though she was a 13 year old and that's fuckin sick? Reed Richards and Sue Storm's infant son Franklin grows up and marries a red headed mutant with psychic powers named Rachel who may or may not be Cyclops and Phoenix' kid, meaning this is an alternate universe and not the direct future off the X-Men we're used to reading because Jean Grey fuckin died without having babies? Or did she? HOLY FUCK I JUST SPLUGED ALL OVER MY LAP TOP.
The main plot line is also the same basic story for the Terminator franchise, EXCEPT THE X-MEN DID IT FIRST BECAUSE THE X-MEN ROCK TITS AND ALL OTHER MEDIA CAN SUCK THEIR AWESOME MUTATED BONE SWORDS.
It's essentially a "What if...?" story, where in the future, the Sentinels have won and eliminated all super powered being, killing most of them. They've also ruined the entire North American continent in the process. Europe, not wanting to also get their shit ruined by giant evil robots, are about to start a global nuclear holocaust that can only be prevented if Kitty Pryde can go back in time (by inhabiting her younger 13 year old body with the help of a totally unbelievable technological contraption magically inserted in the plot to allow this to happen) and stop some 'evil' mutants from assassinating Senator Robert Kelly.
The evil mutants are the 'new' Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. This is the second incarnation of the team, meaning they had the opportunity to drop the 'evil' from their name but chose not to, which is fucking retarded for reasons I don't have to explain.
Mystique, a sexy blue skinned shape changer, is their leader, along with the Blob, who is a fat tub of shit and his power is to be a fat tub off shit, Destiny, an old lesbian (for real! Just not revealed for many years later) who can see into the future but is also blind (fuckin irony baby!), and Avalanche and Pyro, whose powers you can figure out on your own.
The other thing that is totally fucking awesome about this issue is the discussion about the nature off reality if time travel is possible and events like this can be altered. Colossus, who is Kitty's lover in the future, wonders what will happen if Kitty is successful. Will that completely erase their entire universe, as if it never happened? If so, what will become of Kitty and Colossus? Whats the point off going back in time to 'save' the present if it also entails total annihilation? Kitty says not to worry, that if their love is meant to be, it will be, no matter what. Hmm... this concept sounds familiar, I wonder if some over rated sci-fi prime time network drama spent 6 years debating this very point. I wonder if this drama also didn't kill all the fun out of the series by spending 75% of the show's time on boring ass character development that often had no bearing on the show, and relegating the action oriented episodes that actually moved the fucking plot along to about 2 or 3 per season. Yes, once again, comic books triumph over the insipid, knob-slobbing, self congratulatory drivel that passes for 'break-through, revolutionary' network drama. What a crock of shit.
There's also some slow sections involving some by the numbers Danger Room drama but it still kicks ass and this whole issue kicks ass and FUCKIN A DUDE I WANT TO FELLATE THIS COMIC BOOK WITH MY MOUTH.
next issue, I remain fully engorged!
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