WHAT WE LEARN THIS ISSUE:
ANGEL’S GIRLFRIEND CANDY SOUTHERN HAS A STRIPPER NAME AND TIG OLE BIDDIES
CYCLOPS AND JEAN GREY BONE ON THE TOP OF A MOUNTAIN BLUFF IN THE NEW MEXICAN DESERT (YES!)
THE SEWERS OF MANHATTAN ARE 10 FEET HIGH WITH MILES OF ELECTRICAL WIRES RUNNING THROUGH THEM
HARRY LELAND IS A GREAT BIG FATSO!!!
Total recap party time: The X-persons are crashing a Hellfire party to see why those jerks keep fuckin with them. Xavier tell Cyclops it’s thinks they’re walking into a giant trap, and they totally ARE! But Slim says there’s no other way. BUT THERES MILLIONS OF WAYS! What’s the fuckin rush?!? Just stake them out for a while! Emma Frost’s secret liar had a huge gate outside that said ‘Frost Enterprises’. HOW HARD CAN THIS SHIT BE?
But no, the X-clowns are in a big damn hurry, so they fly over to former X-Man Warren “Angel” Worthington III (hey his initials spell WWIII, I just realized that. Neat!) and ask for some tickets to the next shin dig because Warren is uber rich and a member himself (just not of the secret inner circle that is comprised solely of super villains). Then Jean and Scott bone (nice!).
Later, in NYC on fancy schmancy Fifth Avenue, Storm, Colossus, Cyclops and Jean Grey waltz into the spiffed out Hellfire Club party while Wolvie and Kurt crawl around in the incredibly spacious New York subway underneath.
Not long after they arrive, Jason Wyngarde pulls some shit again, and finally it is revealed that he is Mastermind! Cyclops tries to stop him but it’s too late and he’s got Jean under complete control now. She annihilates Scott with an energy blast that goes SPLOW and looks totally hot in her black leather dominatrix outfit.
The rest of the X-Men get clobbered by the rest of the inner circle of the Hellfire Club: Sebastian Shaw, whose powers include kinetic energy absorption and androgenic alopecia; Donald Pierce, who is a cyborg but not unfortunately Robocop; and Harry Leland who is a fat fuck who can make people gain mass. WTF that’s totally impossible. It’s called the conservation of matter law you dick, stop trying to fuck with Newtonian physics.
So it looks like curtains for our heroes, as their unconscious bodies are piled up in front of the inner circle as they cheer Jean Grey’s crossing over to the dark side. But wait, where’s Wolverine? Oh yeah, Leland piledrove him back into the sewers, he’s probably gone forever. No chance of him coming back and killing heaps of bad guys. Or is there? Yes, there’s his hand, pulling himself up out of the filth, looking really pissed off, he snarls “Okay suckers – you’ve taken yer best shot! NOW IT’s MY TURN!”
Holy fuck those bad guys are in big trouble now! Next issue kicks all sorts of ass, obviously.
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