WHAT WE LEARN IN THIS ISSUE:
WOLVERINE IS NOT TO BE FUCKED WITH. EVER!
WOLVERINE DOES A PRETTY LOUSY DIRTY HARRY IMPRESSION
THIS COMIC BOOK BLEW MY FUCKING MIND WHEN I READ THIS IN AN X-MEN CLASSIC REPRINT WHEN I WAS LIKE 8 YEARS OLD
THERES A TIME FER SCRAPPIN AN A TIME FER BEIN SNEAKY. EITHER WAY, WOLVERINE’S THE BEST THERE IS!
CYLOPS GETS STABBED TO DEATH IN THE ASTRAL PLANE, WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT IS
This friggin recap: Hey look, more henchmen! Hellfire Henchman roll call continue: Salvatore! Cam! Jacko! Mancusi! Skipper! Murray! Angelo! Cole! Rosen! Lou!
Holy crap Wolverine spends 4 and a third pages slicing up 4 Hellfire henchmen and it is SO SWEET. HE FUCKING MURDERS THEM! He takes his claws and he’s like SNIKT, SNIKT, SLICE, you’re totally dead, bitch! Oh god its awesome.
The rest of the X-Men are still being held captive by the inner circle of the Hellfire Club, which now includes Jean Grey, who, because of Jason Wyngarde/Mastermind, thinks it’s the 18th century and she is the evil Black Queen. She’s also a total fucking racist and calls Storm her slave! (ironic since she’s mentally enslaved herself, no?) That fuckin cracker bitch!
Shaw reveals, like the true idiot comic super villain he is, that his ultimate evil master plan is to isolate the mutant gene and custom build an army of super powered minions. He’ll use the X-Men to experiment on. Good luck, moron, why not try finding some other mutants that aren’t a team of super heroes?
Back in New Mexico, Xavier foreshadows doom with Angel, and Moira likewise portends disaster with Banshee on Muir Island. Jeez, buncha negative Nancys these guys.
Then we see Wolverine fight his way toward the captured X-Men but gets delayed by some more goons, while Cyclops, in a last ditch effort to free Jean from her deluded psychic prison, challenges Mastermind to a duel on the astral plane. I’m not really sure how all that works either, but it happens, and Cyclops is run through by Mastermind’s blade (do I detect subtle homoerotic undertones, hmm?) He subsequently collapses in the physical world and Nightcrawler screams like a little girl that Cyclops is dead. Don’t be so hasty, Kurt, I know it’s a cliffhanger but do you really think Cyclops is going to just die?
Next issue, we find out what’s got Xavier’s and Moira’s panties all bunched up their butts.
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