WHAT WE LEARNED THIS ISSUE:
PROFESSOR XAVIER IS MAD DICKISH
THE HELLFIRE CLUB TREATS OBJECTS LIKE WOMEN
WOLVERINE READS PENTHOUSE FOR THE ARTICLES
Suck my recap: The X-Pals leave Muir Island without powerless pussy whipped Banshee. Jason Wyngarde keep screwing with Jean Grey, making her think shes living in the 18th century and betrothed to Wyngarde, because Claremont and Byrne are a bunch of foppish dandies who watched far too much BBC as kids.
Back at the X-Mansion, Chuckie Xavier is back and tries to treat the new team, including Wolverine who later in marvel canon is revealed to be over one hundred years old, like a bunch of high schools kids. After Wolverine tells Chaz X that he’s no flaming amateur, bub, Cyclops tries to talk to Xavier about toning things down, at which point Xavier blames everything that’s not going the way he wants on Cyclops’ failures as a team leader. Charles Xavier just may have the worst managerial instincts in the history of the universe.
Then we meet the shadowy collection of villains who call themselves the Hellfire Club, of which Jason Wyngarde is a member. Also a member is the White Queen, Emma Frost, whose idea of a practical outfit is a cape, underwear, a corset and thigh high boots. Come on now!
Emma Frost and the X-Men both then go to Chicago to try and recruit the newest mutant and stereotypical comic reader’s wet dream, Kitty Pryde, to their respective teams. The two sides end up duking it out at a malt shoppe, where soda is advertised as $1.25 (seems high for 1980, no?) and the proprietor doesn’t appreciate Wolverine flipping through his porno mags without paying for the privilege (“This ain’t no liberry, fella,” he says).
The X-Men beat the Hellfire’s armored goons but are no match for the White Queen’s vicious mind rapes (or whatever you call her psychic attacks) and are thrown in a jet and hauled off back to the Hellfire Club. Kitty managed to escape their clutches, however, and stows away in the ship, unbeknownst to the immensely powerful psychic, the White Queen, who’s whole mission’s purpose is to locate and abduct Kitty Pryde.
So there we have the first appearance of two huge characters in X-Men lore, Kitty Pryde and Emma Frost, who I think we can all agree should just kiss already. KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS!
Also noteworthy is the amour the Hellfire’s goons wear is outfitted with a self destruct mechanism that is designed to be exploded while they’re wearing it if they fail their mission. Who the fuck signs up for this gig? There are easier ways to make a dishonest buck, I’m sure.
And super villain Sebastian Shaw makes his first cameo. Shit this issue was fucking loaded. How do they plan on topping it? By introducing the Dazzler next issue! Holy fuck I can’t wait to see what that shit means!
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