X-Men 126: How Sharper than a serpent’s tooth…! What the fuck is that supposed to mean? How sharper? How sharper is anything?

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM THIS ISSUE:

IF ONE OF MADROX THE MULTIPLE MAN’S DUPLICATES JERKS OFF THE ORIGINAL MULTIPLE MAN ITS TOTALLY NOT GAY AT ALL

MUTANT X WOULD BE REALLY POPULAR AT PHISH CONCERTS

Fuggin recap: The X-Men are on the loose on Muir Island, looking for the that prick, Mutant X, for having a terrible name and for prowling around, possessing people, sucking the life out of them and then chucking their dead, lifeless corpses aside for new bodies. But no one cared that he killed Angus “The Fagort” MacWhirter, because nobody ever liked that scrotum licking butt pimple.

Jason Wyngarde (who I forgot, we don’t technically know is Mastermind yet) is phucking with Phoenix some more and keeping her from the action. Eventually Wolverine and Nightcrawler run into Mutant X and it is revealed that Claremont has finally decided on a better name for Mutant X, and it’s Proteus. Which also means Claremont has decided that the Mutant formerly known as X also has reality bending powers to go with the name. Which means Proteus has the power to make anyone he wants feel like they’re on a really bad acid trip (not that I would know what that’s like).

Moira also tells Cyclops rather sheepishly that Mutant X is her son, that she never named him but just calls Mutant X (because Claremont couldn’t be bothered to think of one), that she hates Mutant X’s father and that Mutant X is susceptible to metal (which I’m also assuming Claremont just decided so he could come up with a convenient way of killing him. I mean seriously, after hearing that why wasn’t Cylops like, oh, ok, metal. Cool, no problem, there’s metal all over the fucking the place. Why didn’t you say earlier? This is going to be a cinch).

Oh and Wolverine casually announces that his adamentium skeleton costs a mere $3 million. Come on, that’s it? Even in 1980, that’s only like, $6 million in 2010 dollars (right? I’m not on the internet right now but 30 years at 2% interest or so? Sorry Managerial Finance was like 2 semesters ago, I may be a little off). If that’s all it costs, eve the Canadian government should be able to afford a shit load of Wolverines.

Anyway, the last panel is a cliffhanger of Storm vs Proteus. Who will win???? Find out next month, when we’ll find out that the X-Men will win (duh).