WHAT WE LEARN THIS ISSUE:
YIDDISH THIS NIGHTCRAWLER KNOWS: OY FLIPPIN VEY, HE SAYS
THE D'BARI SOLAR SYSTEM IS FUCKED
STORM CAN'T TELL JOKES FOR SHIT
THE SHI'AR IMPERIAL BATTLE CRUISER IS FUCKED
THE PHOENIX IS RETURNING TO EARTH, AND ITS HUNGRY!
my balls your recap: This issue is huge and because of the literary discretion employed by Claremont and Byrne, massive changes to the X-Men universe ensue. It all starts with Jean Grey finally losing her god damn mind and succumbing to the Phoenix Force. She may have needed this power to stop the M'Krann Crystal (remember that?) from destroying the universe, but she is a just a woman, and can not handle the power. She turns into a blood thirsty psychopathic named Dark Phoenix and doesn't give a fuck about anything.
So she starts fucking up the X-Men, big time. Rather creatively in some cases, like when Colossus uproots a try to try and swat her out of the sky (which is a pretty stupid plan, btw), Dark Phoenix first turns super strong metal Colossus into regular old fleshly Peter Rasputin. Then, when Wolverine goes to help Peter hold up this fucking tree thats about to squash him, Dark Phoenix turns the tree INTO SOLID GOLD. Shit. But for some reason, tons of solid gold being dropping on their heads doesn't seem to phase either and theyre both OK.
After dominating her old team mates (and in Cyclops' case, lover, ooooh), Phoenix decides to go into space and fuck more shit up. This is noticed by a slew of useless cameos such as Reed Richards and Ben grim (Mr Fantastic and the Thing), Dr. Strange, Spider-Man, the Silver Surfer and that dickhead from StarCore, Dr. Corbeau. yeah, remember that asshole? Well hes in a few panels for no reason whatsoever.
Anyway, Dark Phoenix starts by consuming a star, whic happens to be orbited by by a planet filled with six billion fish people. They are known as the D'Bari, even though at first that is just the name given to the sun Dark Phoenix eats, but either way, theyre caught in the aftermath of Dark Phoenix's sun snack (a deadly phoenix phart supernova, perhaps?) and they all die. It's pretty terrifying to read as an impressionable 9 year old, let me tell you.
The D'Bari are under the protection of the Shi'ar Empire, an alien race of bird people. One oftheir military space cruisers happened to be in the area and decide to go check out what happened. Obviously they get their shit ruined by Dark Phoenix as well.
The issue ends with all the remaining X-Men plus Beast, who left his post at Avengers Mansion where he is currently employed to help his old X-Dong pals, in the X-Mansion, fretting about the whole 'dark phoenix thing'. That's what Cyclops says he can sense Dark Phoenix through his psychic rapport with Jean, and that Dark Phoenix is coming back to Earth, AND ITS HUNGRY!
This was a massive, massive issue, and in the Marvel Universe, possessed or not, heroes just can't commit genocide and expect to get away with it. Or specicide for that matter. And there will be serious consequences for Jean in the next few issues. Also Senator Robert Kelly makes a guest appearance, foreshadowing some awesome issues later on down the road.
So here we are, smack dab in the middle off the Dark phoenix Saga, recently voted the #1 storyline in the history of American comics by some blog. Fucking nerds!
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